I hear sirens...
I lay motionless in this bed. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see. I felt the air in front of me. It was cold, and odorless. I couldn’t do anything. What’s happening? I wonder if I am dead.
I woke up just a little bit and tried to see. I was in a bright lit room. It was probably a hospital room. I wonder how I got in here. Had I lost my memory? I don’t know who I am anymore. I think I have amnesia.
A girl was sitting on a chair next to the bed. It looks like she put a teacup on the table next to her for me. I looked a little closer inside it.
I saw strawberry milk. It was alluring to me. I especially liked its color.
Now I regained my full awareness. I was wide awake. I looked up at the girl. She had delightfully pink hair, like the beverage sitting on the table, and wore a nice pink outfit to match. On her neck was an adorable red necktie, and in her hair was a beautiful red flower. She had gazing red eyes with a stare that could stop a charging bear dead in its tracks.
She saw that I wasn’t asleep anymore, and queried, “You’re awake?” and quickly followed up with, “Geez, Kantarou! You had me worried! I… I thought you might never wake up again… Kantarou?”
Because I couldn’t remember anything, but didn’t want to upset her, I simply stated, “I can’t remember anything…” Her eyes became wide with surprise, as if something had been fulfilled, or some condition had been met.
“Huh? Kantarou, don’t tell me… Do you not remember me? A-Are you saying you don’t remember anything about yourself, either? I-It’s me, Nagisa! Nagisa Ichigaulait! You and I are going out! I’m your… y-your girlfriend!”
I looked at her face. Her eyes closed expectantly, smiling as if I had remembered her. She asked hopefully, “Well? Do you remember now?”
“I don’t know…”
Her face became deeply disappointed, but she still looked a bit hopeful, however unsatisfyingly painful it was for her.
“W-Wow… you really don’t remember anything. Is that what they call amnesia or whatever?” She groaned, “Uuugh, I don’t like this at all. How horrible! It’s so sad that you’ve forgotten everything... “
Her face grew a little more playful this time, and she teased, “Hey, you’re just messing with me, aren’t you? You actually do remember who I am, right? Please don’t scare me like that!”
It got silent, and she looked more upset and desperate. Suddenly, however, she got upset and shouted, “J-Just so you know, we were so close that we were practically about to get married. So… you better take responsibility! Even if you lost your memory… you’re precious to me, Kantarou. I love you!”
This time, her smile grew to be a mile long. “I love you more than aaanyone else in the world!” she cooed.
I couldn’t say anything, except, “Sorry…” I felt really bad for her. She must’ve been going through so much emotional pain. If I was out so long that I’ve gotten amnesia, I wonder what happened to get me in here.
Her face grew disappointed again, and she let out a small, “Mm…” before continuing.
“It was pretty hard for me, y’know? When I heard you were on the verge of dying… I thought my heart was gonna stop! But I’m really, really glad you woke up!” Her face became cheerful again. She looked as if she was in a state of reminisce.
“I’m so glad… I feel like I could cry…” She groaned again.
“There, there.” I felt pity for her deeply. Something didn’t feel right, and I think that I’ve caused her so much grief.
“Th… thank you. Kantarou… I don’t know why, but it feels kinda sad… I’m the only one that remembers anything about you… Even you yourself don’t remember anything. Your face has a look like we’re meeting for the first time… it’s weird.” She sniffles, trying to become happier. “Sorry. I’m… kinda tired. I’ll come see you again tomorrow, okay? I’m gonna bring you some more of that strawberry milk you love so much. See you later. Have a nice rest, Kantarou.”
The girl who called herself Nagisa Ichigaulait went home. She seems to be my girlfriend. Apparently she’ll be coming here again, tomorrow. I really wish tomorrow would hurry up and come. I wanted to see Nagisa again.
I walked around the room. I came to a window, and saw that it was raining outside. My sullen face is reflected in its gloss. I think I might be pretty handsome. I hope Nagisa thought I was handsome. I walk to a door with a nameplate next to it that read, “Mr. Kantarou”. I looked through the peephole in the door. There is a hallway on the other side. There was a girl outside, with smooth, brown hair. I needed to see who she was, so I opened the door to check.
“Ah… Kantarou, you’re awake? That’s good,” nervously said the girl.
“Who are you?” I wondered out loud.
“Huh?” Uh…” There was a long silence, and then she walked away. She looked extremely sad. It seems she knows who I am, and something about me. Maybe Nagisa was lying. I wonder who she is.
The lights have already turned off. I probably shouldn’t go out. I decide to head to bed. It’s very fuzzy for a hospital bed. I found it easy to fall asleep in.
The next morning, I woke up to a sweet voice cooing, “Gooood morning!” It was Nagisa. She sounded devoted to me; she was being really sweet.
“How are you feeling? Were you able to sleep well?” She ventured off, with a little hope, “Did you remember anything?” but the hope inside her shrunk, and she sullenly said, “Probably not. That’s okay. Take it one step at a time.”
I felt so bad. I wanted to cry a little bit for her going through such a rough time. Apparently, it showed.
“...Geez, don’t give me that face! I don’t mind that you don’t remember anything! Really, it’s fine.” That came out a little weird, but I shrugged it off. “We can just create new memories! Right?” She smiled big. It looked like a forced smile. After the fact, it turned out that I was right.
“You’re probably worried that I’m forcing myself to smile, right? ...Thanks. You’re so nice, Kantarou!” she implied. That quickly answered my thoughts. I shut up for a minute, until she talked again.
“Oh, that’s right! I bought you some strawberry milk. Aren’t I just great?” she begged for my attention.
“You are great,” I led on. She looked very, very happy that I said that. I was happy that she felt happy.
“Ehehe! I’ll do anything if it’s for your sake!” she giggled, “Kantarou, how about we take a walk? Just... for a change of pace. Or do you not want to?”
I strived to make her happy, so I declared, “Sure!” She smiled more than she was when she was forcing it earlier, but this time, it wasn’t false.
“Really? Thanks, Kantarou!” I found it odd that no doctors had come in and checked in on me about my amnesia, or my recovery.
We both walked outside and strolled down the road. The area was very pretty. Green grass was growing, trees were at a perfect height, and I could see the ocean on the horizon. The area was a little breezy, but there wasn’t any clouds. I didn’t mind it, much.
“Mmm… this breeze feels good. These kinds of sunny days are the best to do laundry on. I wonder if looking at this clear blue sky will help you remember anything, Kantarou?” she wondered. Suddenly, she appeared to realize something.
“Oh, that reminds me… Kantarou, do you remember why you were so close to dying?” I thought about it for a second, but determined that I couldn’t remember anything at this point.
“Nope.” Her face grew worringly sad.
“A stalker tried to kill you! A nasty stalker that tried to get between you and me!” she raised her voice, her face growing more antagonized, “They were a real bother. But to think they’d go that far… you even ended up losing your memory! That’s a crazy level of obsession!”
For some reason, I keep thinking about the brown haired girl from last night. She won’t get out of my mind. Maybe she was the stalker? She didn’t seem like it. She looked a little more innocent than that, but who knows? Maybe she just wanted to appear that way.
“...Hey, Kantarou. If there was something you absolutely had to have no matter what, what would you do?” she asked, calming down. She started smiling, which was a good sign, I thought.
“Save up some money” I answered, picking the most logical choice in my head.
“Oh, of course! You’re rich, after all.” I laughed in my head at that. I can’t seriously be rich, can I? She continued.
“... I know! Why don’t we go shopping? Hmm… where should we go? Lately, I’ve been wanting to buy some clothes… Let’s go, Kantarou.” she finished. I mentally facepalmed. I guess I’m rich. Girls like boys who are rich, I guess. That made me feel a little less self-confident. Maybe I’m not really all that handsome?
“Okay,” I surrendered.
“Then it’s settled! We’re off!” She declared. She was smiling big. She must’ve not been able to do this with me for a long time. I guess it’s only natural.
When I think about it more, I thought that I nearly died because I was in a crash or something. I never would’ve guessed there was a stalker after me. I thought I got wrecked. I hope that the stalker doesn’t come after me when we go shopping. I started to feel a little better about myself. I’ll just have to wait and see.
We had some fun shopping together. Nagisa didn’t care about my memory loss. She just stayed with me, smiling the whole time. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have started to pay more attention to her smiling face.
That night, I returned to the bright room I woke up in, since it’s the only room I could stay in. Something felt wrong inside my heart. I felt that I was missing something. Maybe it had to do with that girl I saw yesterday.
With that, I went to my door, and looked through the peephole again. Sure enough, there she was again. Standing there, brooding, was the smooth, brown-haired girl. I opened the door.
“I’m Sanae. Sanae Cocoaulait. Do you not remember me?” There was a pause, until she continued, “I see. S-Sorry. Um… please excuse me. T-Take care…” She ran away, crying. I knew something was wrong. Unfortunately, I’m a terrible person when it comes to understanding girls, really. I didn’t go out for her. I let her leave me. I shouldn’t have. I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake.
Sanae Cocoaulait. What kind of connection does she have to me? I went to bed again. I tried to comprehend who she was. I fell asleep fitfully.
Today, Nagisa brought me to what she calls our “memory spot”. She calls it a spot, but it’s actually my room.
“Kantarou, this is our memory spot.” she begins, “It’s your room. And yes, I have my own duplicate key for it. Ehehe. That’s a girlfriend privelige.” She smiled wide. “So, remember anything?” she asked desperately. I shook my head no.
“Of course not… it’s not like it would be that easy,” she sighed, disappointed. “But, um, the truth is… this is where we… had our first time!” she cheered, becoming cheerful again.
“First time… ?” I asked? I was a bit curious.
“Geez, you don’t get it? This is where we had our first kiss!” she cooed, “Kyaah, I said it! I’m so embarrassed… Hey, Kantarou… I think I want you to do it.”
“Do what?” I asked, playfully. I knew what she wanted, but I wasn’t going to let her get off that easily.
“Kantarou, you meanie! You should know what I mean without me saying it! Kiss me!” Her cheeks flushed a bright red as she said that. I pulled forward and kissed her right on the lips. Her eyes opened so wide, I thought they were going to pop out of her head. She was so surprised; her jaw dropped.
“Mm… That was… a little embarrassing. Even though… it wasn’t our first time. I think I’m feeling kinda fired up now… Are you listening?” I was only listening subconsciously. I was drifting off into a new world. I also felt fired up, or something of the sort.
“Dammit, Kantarou! Don’t ignore me! Say something instead of just sitting there all silent!” I couldn’t help it. My mind was drifting off somewhere else. I kept thinking about things I wouldn’t really think of on my own. I kept thinking of the strawberry milk she always bought me, and of Sanae Cocoaulait. My subconscious mind was trying to tell me something.
“Hey… Kantarou. Is there something bothering you? There hasn’t been a strange girl following you around lately, has there?” she asked, worried.
“Yeah, I’m being followed,” I answered. She must’ve been talking about Sanae. Maybe she was the stalker. I hope she wasn’t the stalker, and rather someone I could trust. She seemed to know more about my past, just based off of her reaction to our conversation. Nagisa’s eyebrows narrowed. She must’ve been really ticked off.
“I knew it. You need to watch out for her, Kantarou. She’s the one who tried to kill you. I already know.” she growled. I’m surprised we haven’t contacted the police, to be honest. Quite frankly, I don’t even remember what their number is.
“... I can never forgive her. This time, I’ll definitely protect you. So… stay by my side. Promise?” I only nodded. Our conversations have oddly been a little direct, lately. I don’t feel safe anymore.
That night, I went to the bright room again. Nobody was at the door tonight. I hope nothing bad happened. It was raining again, outside. This time, the rain made me feel depressed. I went to the corner of the room, where there was a closet and a dresser. I looked inside the closet. There were clothes hanging off of the rack. I’m going to take a gamble, and say that they were mine. I opened what I thought was the dresser. It turned out that hidden inside, there was actually a refrigerator. Inside was the heavenly strawberry milk Nagisa had bought for me.
“...Hm?” Something caught my attention. There was a small scrap of paper in one of the drawers. I read it. It read:
Today, that girl came to my house again. She’s like a stalker. I’ve told her I already had a girlfriend, but she just keeps confessing over and over. Why me? For some reason, though, it doesn’t bother me. Maybe… because she’s cute. If I didn’t already have a girlfriend, I might have gone out with her. Why is it? Why do I not feel the least bit annoyed? A girl who blindly loves me… I guess that might not be so bad.
I wonder who wrote this. For now, I’ll just keep it with me. I drank a bit of the milk, and went to bed. I slept fitfully again.
It was time. Nagisa should have come in to visit me, like she always did. That’s what I thought as I kept waiting, but Nagisa never came. Did something happen to her? Could it be… that stalker? I got worried and burst out of my hospital room. Our “memory spot… My room. She might be there. With that in mind, I ran over there.
Soon enough, I got to my house, and came into my room. I shouldn’t have came. My room had… a big difference from what is was like last time. The first thing I saw was red. Fresh blood… a person’s blood. It was Sanae’s corpse.
“UWAAAAAAAAH!” I screamed, terrified. Sanae Cocoaulait was lying on the floor in a bloody heap. Nagisa rushed in quickly, not seeing the body.
“Is something wrong, Kantarou? Why did you yell so loudly just now? You really surprised me! Is there something on your mind?” She turned her head and saw the corpse, eyes wide.
“Sanae’s dead!” I shouted.
“Hmm? Oh, this?” she began creepily, “Yeah, I did it! Well? What do you think? Great, isn’t it?” Her face made me cringe. She looked sadistic. She held up the object that must’ve delivered the killing blow to Sanae. Its blade and its handle were covered in red.
“‘Sanae Cocoaulait’, was it? She was kind of annoying, so I made it so she couldn’t talk anymore!” she bragged. She was gone. The image in my head when someone mentioned ‘Nagisa Ichigaulait’ was officially ruined, and smeared with the drink of suicide.
“Mufufu. Kantarou, It must’ve been a real burden being followed around by her, huh? You were scared, weren’t you? But now it’s okay! I’m sure she’ll never walk or talk ever again! I was finally able to protect you! Aren’t I a good girl?”
“Good girl… !?” I was at a loss for words. I think it would’ve been fine had she not murdered her. Murder is a bit much.
“I know, right? I worked super hard! Of course I did good!” she applauded herself. “Hey, Kantarou. Now there’s no one to get in our way. So… marry me!” she said seductively, but of which creeped me out to no end.
“Heeeeeeeeell NO!” I yelled.
“Why? I’m not going to let you say you don’t want to.”
I’ve had enough. I remembered. My memory was slowly piecing itself back together inside my head, bit by bit. But something’s… off… That’s it…
That’s it…! The person I gave my first kiss to in this spot… wasn’t Nagisa. It was Sanae. If my regained memories are correct, everything Nagisa has told me is now the complete opposite of the truth. My girlfriend was Sanae. Nagisa was the stalker. I don’t know why she’s told me all the things she has. It doesn’t seem like she’s simply lying. Was she trying to implant memories in my mind that were more convenient for her...? When was it…?
It was raining that day. I went over to his house like normal. Then, I saw it.
“No way,” Nagisa said to herself. “Why? Why is this happening? What should I do? What should I do? I’m the only one good for him, so why are that plain girl and Kantarou… ? Just why!? Kantarou… I don’t understand… I’m so… I’m so, so, so much more in love with you than she is! Aaaaaargh! What is this? What is this what is this what is this!? … Oh? Kantarou… must be in a bind. That boring girl has been stalking him, so he’s hanging out with her because he has no other choice. That must be it. ...Yeah, Kantarou’s in trouble. I have to help him. You didn’t do anything wrong, Kantarou. It’s all her fault. That’s right. This was all just a misunderstanding. It’s not right. It’s not not not right this is all wrong. I-I-I-I’m th-th-the one g-g-going out w-with K-Kantarou i-i-it’s m-me it’s m-m-me i-it’s… me. I’m the one dating him. The one dating Kantarou is me. It’s me… ! I’m the only one, the ONLY one who Kantarou loves! ...Fufu. Just wait, Kantarou… I’ll save you. I’ll do anything for you. After all, I love you more than anyone else in the world.
“You’re the stalker!” I said, disgusted.
“Why…? Why would you say something like that?” she pretentiously asked. “You’re awful! I…” Her face became creepy again, sending shivers down my spine. She went on, in a state of delirium.
“I’m… the stalker? Is that what you’re saying? That’s WRONG!!” she screamed. “I’m YOUR GIRLFRIEND!! She… SHE’S the stalker! You don’t remember anything! You’re just talking CRAZY!”
“My girlfriend is Sanae…” I said, with a tear at my eye. She wasn’t really my girlfriend anymore, but I’m pretty sure Nagisa is about to kill me anyways.
“NOOOOO!! That’s WROOONG!! You and I are going out!!” she started to cry, “AAAAAHHH! You’re wrong… you’re wrong!”
She wept. She stopped, and kept going. She bawled her eyes out. Her tears could have potentially ended thirst in Africa.
“Uuugh… wrong… you’re wrong… I… I love you, Kantarou… Love… I… will die… I’m fine with dying if it’s for your sake.” She flashed the last fake smile she could ever show. “...Would I be better off dead?”
“Don’t die…” I almost cried myself. I can confirm that people will do anything for love. I didn’t want her to die. Sanae was dead, so I had no other choice to keep her alive if I wished to remember my past.
“Kantarou… you’re so nice. That’s why I fell for you in the first place! If you were going out with her… Sanae… If you had no intention of breaking up with her… You shouldn’t have been so nice to me. You shouldn’t have gotten up my hopes like that. You’re cruel. But… I’m glad I fell in love with you. I’m glad I was able to meet you. Back then, when I met you for the first time… my heart was racing. I was so happy. It was the first time I had ever felt that way. But in the end, it led to me doing something I can never take back. Hey, Kantarou. It was actually Sanae I was trying to kill. So when you jumped out in front of her… I ended up almost killing you instead. It surprised me. You went down with just one hit to the head… But when I found out you had lost your memory, I was… incredibly happy. I was thinking, ‘Ohh, now I can finally make Kantarou mine...’ Love is pretty scary. It can make people happy and unhappy. I wonder… which it made me? You know, I’m thinking of just ending it all. After all, there’s nothing left. Kantarou… You don’t have anything left, either. Right? ...Kantarou, I want you to listen to my final request. I want you… to hug me.”
Halfway in, I was crying. By the end of it, I just needed a hug. I needed a lovebug. I fell for it. I put both of my arms around Nagisa. I felt Nagisa’s gentle warmth, and… a feeling of unease. By that time, it was already over. A knife had been stabbed into my stomach.
“Ehe. I’m glad, Kantarou. Hey, will you stay with me… forever?”
This might’ve been for the best. I deserved the punishment I recieved.
“It’s okay. I’ll go right after you do. So… wait for me. If it’s just the two of us… I’m sure we’ll be able to go to heaven. Then we’ll be happy forever. What would you do if you went to heaven, Kantarou? If I went to heaven… I’d become God. That’s right… I’d become God. What do you think will happen after I become God?”
“I… dunno…” I croaked.
“Once I become God, I’ll bring happiness to everyone in the world. No one would have to be lonely anymore. No one would have to be sad anymore. No more fighting. No more pain. No more bullying. No more lonely people. I’ll save everyone.”
My consciousness was fading… My vision became more and more cloudy. I couldn’t see anymore. The dark silence was killing me. I guess… I’m going to die. I wondered where Nagisa went. I couldn’t hear her voice anymore. I want… to see her. It’s pitch black… I’m lonely… Nagisa...
I hear sirens...
