The Problem With Online Friendships

Calicara · 2015-08-10 02:16:39

I try to stray from serious topics because I know people have a tendency to not take these forums seriously, but over this summer I've just been thinking a lot about what it's like to have friends. Till this past autumn (2014) I had no idea what it was to have real relationships IRL with people who I know, respect, and trust. Who know me inside out, and whom I wouldn't hesitate to hang out with or help.

Yet, before I met these people, my friends, I had become acquaintances with several people online. I may not have known them IRL, but they certainly felt like people who I could talk to. Some of them through EE like Pike270, Thecoolguy, Vasum01, Jak, and a few others from Deviant Art.

Now that I spend less and less time invested in EE, and DA has gone down the gutters (not that it was that great to begin with) I find myself talking to these people less and less. Now maybe for some it's easy to start a friendship and then walk away as if it never happened, but it's never been like that for me. Even when I'm not actively talking to people I think about them all the time. It feels like I started something and it isn't finished, yet what can I do when the call of the life that's right in front of me constantly draws me away from the screen?

Then I feel bad even though I know there's not much I can do. Sometimes I even avoid the situation because a quick 10 minute conversation can quickly turn into 2+ hours. It's not that I don't like all the people I've met, but it's so constraining only knowing them based on a persona. Sometimes I wish I was rich so I could travel and meet the person behind the picture.

Has anyone else ever felt this before?

SilverStar, Br0k3n, Onjit, blizzard, mrjawapa

2015-08-10 05:09:40

This really does hit close to home. And IMO this will become a major issue in society soon (if it already isn't): people, especially youngsters, turning away from real life to form "online" relationships instead. These are healthy too but can lead to isolation, depression and wadda wadda if ya go too far. No matter everyone's diagnosing themselves with "social anxiety" today, and even though it's mostly your average shy guy overreacting I doubt it's a coincidence.

When I myself was a child I moved to a distant, boring neighborhood in another town. Being a typical stuck-up downtown kid, I quickly hated this goddarn remote place and the locals (who are actually pretty nice folks if I think about it) and got more and more addicted to the internet so I'd "get away from these rednecks".
After a while I felt almost disconnected from this place like I wanted earlier, but I realized these bonds with people over the internet were pretty empty. blah blah blah well I realized that and uuh I kind of have a social life and friends now. yaaay but

Well I would be another dorky kid in this case but there seems to be loads of these. 5 searchs around Youtube and you'll find tons of 8 year olds uploading their Minecraft gameplay 24/7, 7 days a week and who presumably haven't left their homes in days (hypocrisy yaay). They'll probably grow out of it but I worry for these who may turn into the "neckbeard" stereotype later. maybe more women in the future for me, though just kidding or not

mrjawapa

Minimania · 2015-08-10 05:16:25

No wonder I'm so f***ing stupid when it comes to reality.

Xfrogman43, Lightning Splash, Br0k3n

Abelysk · 2015-08-10 05:46:52

I felt a truly awful experience. I played a pretty popular MMO which centered on hanging out with people and exploring the world around you. It was a cartoony game, but many people my age played it. I made a lot of bonds, friendships, and experiences. Last year, on April 1st, the game was shut down. The game was made in 2009 and so, for 5 years, I had friends. If that game were not there, I, as weak as I was at the time, would've commited suicide since I was bullied in middle school.

Now that I'm a senior in high school, I can say I've "manned" up, and I accept my losses.

I have this scar of nostalgia for that MMO that I'll never lose.

SilverStar

Insanity · 2015-08-10 13:34:09

I'd be down to meet any of you guys in person. We can get wasted together.

hummerz5, Br0k3n, Kirby, Nickolai, Koto, Shadow, Calicara, Anch, Master1

Anch · 2015-08-10 15:02:26

Insanity wrote:

I'd be down to meet any of you guys in person. We can get wasted together.

THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!

Lightning Splash

Calicara · 2015-08-10 15:25:03

Insanity wrote:

I'd be down to meet any of you guys in person. We can get wasted together.

Let's do it! I'll be 21 next month

But in all seriousness though...

@0176: I agree it is a problem as well, but a hard one to fix. Like most kids I had become a part of online communities because I felt depressed. I also didn't click with anyone my age, mainly because even though I'm a girl I'm not very feminine. So I developed this condescending attitude where in, I felt like I didn't fit in with people at school because I was different (in a good way). Not necessarily better, but more mature. Obviously I was wrong, but I still used online communities to escape, and even if online communities are only virtual they can help in very real ways.

I think the real problems are the long term consequences. I was socially stunted when I started college. It took me 3 long years to finally meet genuine friends and come out of my shell. I can still be a little condescending at times, but I don't devalue people just because I have an attitude. I just feel bad now, because sometimes I think friendships (real or virtual) are the pillars of society. We must bond together to create a sturdy foundation. But when one friend leaves the group, it seems like the foundation begins to crack and crumble. And when I am that person who leaves I feel bad for leaving certain people behind. Maybe I shouldn't take it so personally, but I guess I don't want people to think just because I'm not there doesn't mean I don't care. Maybe I'm being overly empathetic

Insanity

Anak · 2015-08-10 15:42:58

I've always had friends in school. I've been on the internet for a while too, I've known some of my friends for like 6 maybe 7 years. I would consider them my best friends. Around about this year I just kind of sort of realised people in real life aren't really friends to me and that they're all generally awful. I didn't really have anyone in real life to talk to anyways, and anytime I tried to talk about anything serious/personal with my friends in real life they just didn't get it/didn't respond well, whereas people on the internet just get me a lot better.

hummerz5, Xfrogman43, ZeldaXD

2015-08-10 15:44:35

Insanity wrote:

I'd be down to meet any of you guys in person. We can get wasted together.

Together? Whenever I drank alcohol I felt sluggish as hell instantly and the next minute I'd be already sleeping in the sofa.

hummerz5

Calicara · 2015-08-10 18:24:08

Anak wrote:

I've always had friends in school. I've been on the internet for a while too, I've known some of my friends for like 6 maybe 7 years. I would consider them my best friends. Around about this year I just kind of sort of realised people in real life aren't really friends to me and that they're all generally awful. I didn't really have anyone in real life to talk to anyways, and anytime I tried to talk about anything serious/personal with my friends in real life they just didn't get it/didn't respond well, whereas people on the internet just get me a lot better.

I totally get what you mean. I've skype phoned chat with Vasum01 before and it was pretty fun, we talked about EE. But then when my mom came in the room she's like, who are you talking to? And I didn't know how to explain it to her, so I just said 'a friend from college'. It's way easier to talk and connect with people online because there are so many unique and interesting communities where judgement is based on a persona and not an actual person. (So age, gender, and race are thrown out the window). But to explain it IRL can be quite difficult.

I mean hey, I'm not against online friendships if they make people happy though. They helped me and I hope they help others too.

hummerz5, Pyromaniac

Minimania · 2015-08-11 01:46:34

You guys legit make me happy, honest. I'd be down to meet any of you as long as your record is clean.

Insanity · 2015-08-11 01:49:20

minimania wrote:

You guys legit make me happy, honest. I'd be down to meet any of you as long as your record is clean.

clean record? These are some absurd requirements.

Koto, Kirby, hummerz5

Creature · 2015-08-11 01:52:58

First thing I would do once I meet someone from Everybody Edits: Suggest playing Everybody Edits together.

Calicara · 2015-08-11 02:05:58

minimania wrote:

You guys legit make me happy, honest. I'd be down to meet any of you as long as your record is clean.

Dang it. Guess we can't meet IRL

Anak · 2015-08-11 02:24:03

minimania wrote:

You guys legit make me happy, honest. I'd be down to meet any of you as long as your record is clean.

Some of my vinyl are pretty dusty but if you give me a couple of day I can get them shiny as new and they'll play great

skullz17, hummerz5

Minimania · 2015-08-11 03:40:15

I'm being serious. I want to meet a bunch of you smartaleks.

2015-08-11 04:21:07

Calicara wrote:

minimania wrote:
You guys legit make me happy, honest. I'd be down to meet any of you as long as your record is clean.
Dang it. Guess we can't meet IRL

I can! I live in a town literally next to Creature's, about less than 40 miles away. What if he tries to murder me though?

Xfrogman43 · 2015-08-11 05:37:10

minimania wrote:

I'm being serious. I want to meet a bunch of you smartaleks.

I'm smart, but I'm no alek!

Anch

Pyromaniac · 2015-08-11 13:37:48

Anak wrote:

I've always had friends in school. I've been on the internet for a while too, I've known some of my friends for like 6 maybe 7 years. I would consider them my best friends. Around about this year I just kind of sort of realised people in real life aren't really friends to me and that they're all generally awful. I didn't really have anyone in real life to talk to anyways, and anytime I tried to talk about anything serious/personal with my friends in real life they just didn't get it/didn't respond well, whereas people on the internet just get me a lot better.

Exactly EXACTLY this for me. I knew the friends I had from school for like 6 years, and we were a pretty close group since we all were musicians etc. But this year I just realized that they made me feel terrible and generally depressed whenever I hung out with them. They just didn't treat me well and idk, maybe I need to toughen up, but I just got sick of it. I just didn't think they were being good friends. Then I started dating one of them for a little bit and then stopped and that was kinda dumb and didn't really help anything.

Luckily I'm more of an introvert and like being alone, so I was able to give myself distance when I needed it. I also had what I would consider REAL friends that had already gone off to college, so I could hang out with them when they came back.

The difference between me and Anak is though, I never really felt close to people on the internet..I dont know any of you, ya feel? I'm almost 100% positive that the persona the majority of you adopt on here isn't how you are in real life. Someone said this on a different thread before, but its nice to see some of your usernames, but to be blunt, I wouldn't really consider any of you 'friends' unless I met you in real life... I'm not saying that internet friendships aren't possible, they might be, but I just like meeting people the old fashioned way, I guess.

Lightning Splash

Pingohits · 2015-08-11 15:23:04

after school ended i deleted my facebook and made myself invisible on google chat

i, pingohits, don't give a single **** about people in middle school

i will drop communication with all of them

friends in high school will be closer than friends in middle school

hummerz5 · 2015-08-11 22:52:43

Well, we're all opening. Hiya! To answer your question, yes. But on a much smaller scale, a great time ago. (a few years). Maybe I'm being under-empathetic... but I can't really say that I feel too strong of an attachment... so if those are eroded by time, I'm not sure how much that affects me.

IRL, I probably don't have a whole lot of friends. "Probably" because I'm not sure what defines it. Afaik, everyone I know (small town) is a really good acquaintance. I've come to know a good deal of folks online. But the idea is pretty much the same. Maybe I'm just not getting this friendship thing.

As I think back on the numbers, I pretty much grew up with EE. Moreover, the internet. If there's a group of people who have truly lived under a social rock to be found, I'd be a member.

Creature had a point. If you all get together, what happens then? Play EE? I'm not experienced with meetups, but I couldn't see EE going to well.

@0176: I was fortunate to not be in the wave of 8-yr-old technologists, but I'd agree that this is a growing problem. Who you callin' a redneck?!
I'm from the small town. Most of y'all prolly aren't in a rural area, so I probably don't get your school friendships the same way you do.

Calicara · 2015-08-12 02:15:44

If I met up with another person IRL we'd play Wii U, explore my town, and then drink alcohol (depending on age) till the sun goes down. At least, that's what I imagine a good time would be.

I mean it's pretty subjective though how one likes to spend their time. I never thought I would vie for real social experiences until I started to have them, like going out with friends, watching tv together, playing board games, drinking etc... These ideals just grew on me over time and I began to lose the appeal for a virtual life. I still talk to some people from time to time, and I haven't completely left EE (obvs if I'm posting), but I've had more memorable experiences outside this game then I've had in my life. and I want other people to have that too.

At the same time I don't want to leave behind the friends I have made online, because even if I don't see their faces they are still people. So I just feel bad sometimes for not being able to chat as much. I'm probably being over empathetic, but I just want my friends (all of them) to be happy.

hummerz5

Koto · 2015-08-12 02:29:38

Insanity wrote:

minimania wrote:
You guys legit make me happy, honest. I'd be down to meet any of you as long as your record is clean.
clean record? These are some absurd requirements.

He didn't say clean urine.

hummerz5, Anch

Freckleface · 2015-08-12 03:45:29

Online friendships are okay because you mostly only meet people who do same stuff as you and you can tell them interesting **** that they have never experienced. This is usually why my conversations with friends and strangers on internet go out of hand BUT with IRL friends they usually would know what you are talking about and your all like: "So, whats up?" "Good." *silence* Because I'm quite popular at my school (I'm like the only one that's from a different place) so I have several friends where I will walk up to them and then they usually are silent. But I have also many other friends who are different from the rest (I have one who's blind, ones a cartoonist (animator), ones the school president thingy (its different name tho) etc.) and they are very talkative and like the same stuff as me.

So tl;dr IRL be friends who like stuff that you like otherwise you barely have anything to talk about

EDIT: I read this over and it doesn't seem right but its too late I don't feel like deleting/editing it now

Xfrogman43 · 2015-08-12 04:26:29

Freckleface wrote:

IRL be friends who like stuff that you like otherwise you barely have anything to talk about

So you are saying online people can't have the same interests?
I am the quiet type when it comes talking IRL, so I always have nothing to talk about.
I know nothing about cars, yet last year, people always talked about them and im like "yeah thats cool."
IRL doesn't always mean you have something to talk about. I talk about a lot of stuff online better than IRL.

Official Everybody Edits Forums

#1 2015-08-10 02:16:39, last edited by Calicara (2015-08-10 02:22:53)

The Problem With Online Friendships

#2 2015-08-10 05:09:40

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#3 2015-08-10 05:16:25

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