I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

gszn · 2020-12-05 22:56:36

Yes, I'm fully aware this post will probably be closed and snipped pretty quickly. Tell me something I don't know.
But no, I'm not here to make an apology or try to repair my reputation - I know how futile and pointless it is to attempt that.

Why am I here then, you may ask? The only reason this post exists is simple: to finalize the fact that I'm moving on from the past.
I've been screwed over by many of you, but I'm going to be an adult pretty damn soon - so I've decided to post this for my own personal closure.
This isn't even here to attack or insult anyone. And after this post, I never again intend to associate with any of you.
But before I can move on into the next chapter of my life, the last step is for me to post this. Read it, or don't read it. The choice is yours, I couldn't care less.

---

Before I begin, allow me to clarify the fact that not every single member of EE’s Discord community is toxic and negative. I don’t and have never believed that, because some of my closest friends from EE are members of various EE Discord servers - you know who you are. But I’ve definitely been here long enough to see that the vast majority of such servers and their members are generally very negative, toxic, and unwelcoming. Once again, you know who you are.
In addition, I’d like to clarify the reason I’ve chosen to write this.
First and foremost, this is not an attempt to attack or insult any of you. This is also not an attempt to regain any respect from EE’s community or anyone in it. This is not an apology letter, a departure letter, or a suicide note. And lastly, this is not an attempt to change any of your mindsets or opinions about any person or thing. I’m not here to shove any opinions down your throat.
The only reason I’ve decided to write this is for my own well-being.
I’m not afraid to say this fact anymore, so I won’t lie: the things that have been said and done to me, by a variety of community members, used to really get under my skin and **** me off. I beat myself up because I thought I wasn’t good enough for any of you. It took a HUGE toll on my mental health during late 2019 and earlier this year, to the point where it caused some of the worst rock-bottom times of my life.
But in the recent months and weeks, I’m glad to be able to say that I’ve overcome the pain and struggles caused by your relentless behaviors. I’ve finally reached the point where I feel ready to conclude this chapter in my life, since I’ll officially be an adult in April next year. I no longer blame myself for anything you’ve said or done. And most importantly, I have learned the importance of forgiveness.
After I conclude this current chapter, I’m very excited to be able to turn the page in my story and start a brand new, fresh chapter, without being weighed down by the struggles and stressors of my past.
However, in order to lift that weight off my shoulders and start my next chapter of life, there is still one more thing I have to do: I need to find closure and release myself from the grips of my past issues, by writing this letter for all of you to read.
Without further ado, let’s begin.

As mentioned previously, forgiveness is one of the things that I try to preach and practice as much as I can. However, forgiveness doesn’t always mean trusting someone again or being friends again. It doesn’t even necessarily mean restoring any form of contact with someone. And certainly, some of you in particular have behaved in ways that I won’t ever fully forget about. Some situations and incidents have left me with permanent scarring, and complete, irreversible loss of trust. But it’s taken me a long time to accept the fact that I can’t control the actions, beliefs, thoughts or attitudes of anyone but myself. I was desperate to try and repair the damage of my reputation with you. I tried way too hard to get all of you to see me (as well as Xeno) in a more positive and/or neutral perspective, as a way to ultimately create more peace and harmony in EE’s community. But over a year later,
I now understand that I cannot achieve that. It’s up to YOU to decide if and when you want to try to change your attitudes. I cannot make that choice for you, and I won’t bother trying to pressure you into it.

I’ve absolutely acknowledged that some of my own reactions, behaviors and attitudes have been destructive and completely unacceptable. I don’t have any problems with truthfully admitting that I’ve gone way too far on some occasions - cussing, insults, aggression, threats, etc. And I’m also aware that I’ve occasionally overreacted to certain things, or blew them out of proportion. I have made many mistakes and I have plenty of flaws - not always as a result of being provoked or instigated by you - but so does literally every other human being who currently lives and breathes on this Earth. That includes you.
There is no point in denying, hiding or minimizing your wrongdoings, or trying to pin all the blame and guilt on any other person. There is always more than one side to any argument, conflict or story, but in most cases, such conflicts can be resolved in a variety of ways - ways that I won’t bother to explain because you should already know them at your age. I know from personal experience that using insults, profanity or other harmful behaviors is only going to make the situation worse for everyone involved, and does not help your own case. What will help your case is by trying your best to be the bigger person - once again, I shouldn’t have to explain how to do so.

Continuing to argue with them is never healthy for you, nor for the others involved. If they have made a sincere apology and genuinely accept their mistake, allow them to grow and evolve by learning from that mistake - instead of holding a grudge, digging it up and gossiping about the situation 6 months after it blew over, move on from it, and focus your energy and time to dwell on something positive or constructive.

I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness, empathy, open-mindedness and letting go of the past in the recent months, as just explained above. But here’s another important thing: every single human wants to be treated with basic decency at the very least. If someone is not going out of their way to bother you, show them the same decency that you both deserve. You don’t have to interact with them at all if you have nothing positive to say to/about them. It’s especially easy to do so on the internet because blocking and muting exists for a reason. Just click the block button, and redirect your focus away from pointless and unnecessary drama. Simple and easy.

I hope that you will all eventually realize that these types of habits and tendencies are destructive, unhealthy, and pointless. Regardless of whatever is happening currently or has happened with Xeno, myself, or anyone else in the past, there is no justification for the way you’ve handled things most of the time. No one deserves to be targeted or ridiculed this persistently for any reason. There are way worse people on this Earth than Xeno - but you instead choose to relentlessly chase after him, when he’s genuinely doing nothing more than trying to get by on a daily basis, improve himself, and work on good projects that he is very passionate about. Also chasing after just about anyone who supports and encourages him (EE staff, Patrons, etc) and doesn’t give in to the exaggerated gossip about what kind of a person he is.

I want to make it clear to all of you that, no matter how much you insult me, spread gossip, tell me I’m unwanted, pin blame on me, or otherwise come after me, I am not leaving or apologizing for anything that I’m not at fault for. You don’t have to agree with anything I say or feel, not even a single word.
I should also emphasize that criticizing anyone's faults or mistakes is completely acceptable (and often helpful), as long as it is constructive and respectfully worded. But in this case, many of you tend to use insults, offensive jokes and personal attacks instead of effectively trying to communicate and express your opinions in a civil manner. You often make it look like Xeno is completely unreceptive to feedback, but that’s typically because of how you treat him in general. More often than not, you don’t actually try to productively discuss your thoughts, and you put a lot of pressure on him to do whatever you are suggesting. No one is obligated to fulfill all of your requests or desires, especially if you’re being rude and disrespectful in the process of asking for something.

<snip>

I just want you to know: being hateful and toxic, especially on any part of the internet, is not going to get you anywhere in life. You may think it’s funny and harmless in this present time, but your future self would most likely regret how much time you wasted on it in 10-20 years down the road. Whether you’re a grown adult or not, these are the sorts of things that make you ruin your friendships, get fired from workplaces, and/or even get into legal trouble, especially if you take your online actions into the real world. If you waste your entire young adulthood hiding behind a computer or phone screen, talking and acting like this with internet strangers all day, that is entirely your problem. No one would be to blame except you.

It's not uncommon for people who are hurting internally and/or going through challenging times to behave this way - they want to numb their pain and forget about their struggles, or at least distract themselves from it. As a result, they channel their personal stress in unhealthy and destructive ways, such as deliberately nitpicking and heavily examining everyone else around them for any tiny flaw or mistake in their behavior, and using that trivial flaw as a way to try to justify taking their feelings out on others. It’s a vicious, toxic cycle that does not help or benefit anyone.

If you guys, some of whom are fully grown adults, are genuinely so deeply struggling in your personal lives, to the point where you spend your time being cruel to people from a smiley face game on the internet... then you need psychological treatment. I'm not even saying that in a mean way - hell, I’ve been in therapy myself for a while - and I’ve learned a lot about different types of cognitive distortions that very accurately align with the way many of you think about certain people. You legitimately need help from a behavioral health professional of some kind, to get a grip on your own personal stability. Do your research - these are not things that any psychologically healthy person would be doing, especially so persistently for this length of time.

To conclude, I’m fully aware that you will probably take this whole document and use it for your memes and copypastas. And honestly, it’s not my issue - I don’t care what you want to do with this text or whether you take it seriously. As mentioned in the beginning, I’m not trying to make any of you change anything - these are just things I had to get off my chest.

With that said, I’m very happy that I’m finally prepared to leave you behind as you continue to remain stuck in the past and stunt your own developmental growth. That is entirely your choice, but just know that I strongly believe in Karma. I’ve faced the consequences of my own past mistakes, learned from them and moved on - so I’ve had my fair share of Karma - and I know that someday, you will naturally get yours. I’m confident about myself, and proud of who I have become even since a year or two ago. I’ve opened my eyes, mind and heart, not only for myself, but for others as well. Who I am as a person has drastically changed for the better, and I am so much stronger and more resilient than any other point in my entire life. I don’t need or want any of you surrounding me any longer.

That’s it, it’s over. I don’t wish anything bad upon any of you, and I sincerely hope you will eventually grow and mature to gain better attitudes, and to learn how to treat people better and lead more productive lives. But for me, you’ve blown all your chances. Don’t come crawling back to me at any point in the future, for any reason.

Don’t come back at all.

~ grensnez

John, Tomahawk, N1KF, Minimania, Joeyjoey65, St1ckS4m(EE)

John · 2020-12-05 23:02:10

gren sure loves being extremely verbose

32OrtonEdge32dh

32OrtonEdge32dh · 2020-12-05 23:06:37

<snip>

gszn · 2020-12-05 23:08:39

John wrote:

gren sure loves being extremely verbose

I also like to be extremely comprehensive and firm with my points. When I speak the truth, this is what it's like.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to microwave some popcorn that I can eat while I sit back and watch people try to gaslight me.

And no, I won't be replying to any further comments on this thread. I've said the truth and everything I needed to say, and I'm not arguing anymore.
Reach me on discord if you need me

John · 2020-12-05 23:10:20

gszn wrote:

referring to EE devs as “mentally stunted web developers”

32OrtonEdge32dh · 2020-12-05 23:10:33

<snip>

ZeldaXD · 2020-12-05 23:13:03

<snip>

32OrtonEdge32dh, Kkay, TaskManager, 2b55b5g, rat

TaskManager · 2020-12-05 23:27:43

<snip>

32OrtonEdge32dh, John

Tomahawk · 2020-12-05 23:51:25

OK, I've done my best to snip the more negative comments aimed at individual people. Y'all should really learn to be nicer to each other without good reason.

Gren, glhf. Please stop making alts.

Different55, KyYay, Snowester, Joeyjoey65, St1ckS4m(EE)

Official Everybody Edits Forums

#1 2020-12-05 22:56:36, last edited by Tomahawk (2020-12-05 23:49:07)

I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#2 2020-12-05 23:02:10

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#3 2020-12-05 23:06:37, last edited by Tomahawk (2020-12-05 23:45:28)

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#4 2020-12-05 23:08:39

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#5 2020-12-05 23:10:20

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#6 2020-12-05 23:10:33, last edited by Tomahawk (2020-12-05 23:45:12)

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#7 2020-12-05 23:13:03, last edited by Tomahawk (2020-12-05 23:45:04)

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#8 2020-12-05 23:27:43, last edited by Tomahawk (2020-12-05 23:44:56)

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

#9 2020-12-05 23:51:25, last edited by Tomahawk (2020-12-05 23:53:01)

Re: I'm not back, but I'm here to finalize.

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