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Abelysk

Guest

Rain and Thunder

This narrative of mine is one of the most intense pieces of writing I have ever written. Tell me what you think!

Rain and Thunder

        The computer hummed, serving no other purpose than to soothe my ears. My eyes drifted aloft, and my body began to melt into rain-chilled clouds. Body wrapped in the purest cotton, the North Wind acted up, circulating throughout the room. Memories sprung from their cages, and I began to remember those young summer days. With the gate shut, my room ushered in a torrent of cool, filtrated summer air.

        Peace was at its peak. My eyes had given up, my body was one with the stratus, and the tips of my toes and fingers rested in unison. There was nothing left in front of me but darkness and visions. I began to descend into an unknown realm.

        My brother had gone to do his nightly labor. Mother slept across a fair distance, and I was left alone at the rear of the home. I was too busy performing the spell to be able to gather what was happening; I was vulnerable. As snowy streams of moonlight danced around, darkness suddenly consumed the light, splashing fear into my very ears. The night was not alone.

        Leaves were crumbling - that was all the proof I needed to make a grim assumption. My trance had worn off - the spell failed. I was no longer a sheet of clouds, I was the rain. The world around me lifted, and I began falling. This cannot be happening - somebody is trying to break into my house.

        It was an unwanted virus, a threat. Something began to tease my immune system; my home had caught the cold. The window’s guard could hold no longer, as it began to squeal. It could not hold itself. There I was, the gravestone, witnessing my demise through a crystal ball.

        After its painful cries, the window had fallen. Wind rushed into the room across the hall from my room, just in time to escape as the window had slid open. The shutters that protected the window chattered amongst each other. Who is this? they would say, but I could not take it any longer. I must be the hero to save the world today.
       
        I turned into ooze, slowly dripping off my bed. Before I could gather myself and collect what had been, I stopped to listen. Snap! The lights had been summoned. Now the virus had been trying to gain the favor of the lights. No, no, I thought. This cannot be! Do not listen to what the fool has to say!

       But it was too late. The window regained its power and shut the gates to freedom. This was a quarantine zone now, and there was no turning back. It’s just me against the villain.

       What am I to do? I cannot do this alone. I wished to commune with the ascended, though there was no way to speak with them. I did not have the authority to do so, as I was young. Turn sixteen first, my mother would say. If only the outcome was little different, and my mother would have thought of giving me a phone earlier.
       
       What could I do? Then, all the memories swirling about gathered and coalesced, condensing into a vision, showing me my ultimate weapon. It was then I remembered we had an alarm, one to shatter the still of night and all within it! A spark had lit up within me, and the energy from the secret weapon began to resonate with my scattered being.

       I harnessed the energy of this powerful relic, but there was a price. What if the virus gained resistance to it? What if the virus was immune to the most powerful weapon I held? If so, my entire body would be decimated, but with my life left dangling by a hook, I decided to give it a gamble.

       The world began to revolve around me. The house lifted off the surface of the earth, anchoring into the sky above. Everything began to tremble, but I stood firm, beginning a pilgrimage to slay the beast with Excalibur’s pristine edge. This was it, the battle to end all battles.

       I defended my position. Standing at the back of the room, trying to focus on falling amidst the earthquake, my hands rested on the red button of the alarm. I was ready to sound the signal to fire. And then, as I began to settle on my thoughts, the doorknob to my room turned. It screamed as it was burning by evil’s touch, but the doorknob was not the only object that burned, my heart was burning as well. My heart churned, and my spirit tried to resist the inferno. Yes, this was the moment. The moment where the past and future were to unite. The gate opened.

      At that moment, my eyes locked into his eyes. When I saw him, I dispersed into the essence of stupidity and befuddlement that has never been assumed to me during this whole premonition. And just like that, the earthquake stopped. A blizzard formed in my heart to ease the fiery pit. My brain’s red alarm turned blue, and the house plummeted back down into the crags of the earth. Everything stopped moving, as if I had gained a new power.

      The intruder was not a virus, nor was he a liar. He was a friend, a dear friend who had arrived early. He was my brother, and according to him he had not been working, but counting hours with some of his friends at the finale of night. With him, looking at my shining blade and armor, we both laughed and called it a day.

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Hope you enjoyed it!

Pingohits

Banned

From: aids lizard

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 7,591

Re: Rain and Thunder

i enjoyed the metaphors, especially the "virus" and weather itself

the structuring of the paragraphs was very interesting, they look like blinds on a window

you have a great writing ability, and i would definitely read more of your stories

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Abelysk

Guest

Re: Rain and Thunder

i enjoyed the metaphors, especially the "virus" and weather itself

the structuring of the paragraphs was very interesting, they look like blinds on a window

you have a great writing ability, and i would definitely read more of your stories

That means a lot! Thanks.