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Pyromaniac

Official Caroler

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,868

Weird roommates

Hi. So I just need to vent, and I really like weird roommate stories so-

My roommate this year is so weird. I found him through the Facebook page and thought he seemed cool. He's a composer, and one of the first things he asked me was what music I liked. I told him that I liked Train, The 88, etc... And then he sent me this:

"'m a huge fan of schoenberg. My favorite piece (possibly the greatest of all imo) is his piano concerto. But basically all of his works are great. Since you are a string player you could check out his violin concerto too. For even more "avant-garde" I just got into iannis xenakis that recently and think you should check out his Aroura. His music has nothing to do with the traditional sense of music where you have themes and motives that get developed throughout the piece. They are really more like soundscapes, and his music is very temporal/ephemeral in the sense that nothing gets repeated. The upside of listening to him is you don't get the earworm effect haha"

What the actual ****? "haha"???? What about that was worth hahaing about? Buddy, I know you're a composer but come ON.

So after that I was a little less excited, I had a feeling he was gonna be pretentious as hell, but I told myself that I can deal with pretentious. Then I moved in. He wasn't in the room for a couple hours, but when he finally came in, I got up and said hi and tried to make conversation. He gave me one word answers and then immediately sat down at his computer and started playing opera music. Without headphones. He has a heavy duty sound system too, and it was incredibly loud. Nothing much else happened. I made a couple friends and tried inviting him to stuff, but he said no every time. I figured, I'm an introvert too, I can respect that.

Fast forward a month or so.

He still hasn't initiated any conversation, except for once asking me something about the viola for a piece he was writing. He CONSTANTLY sits at his desk and either blares classical music or his midi files of compositions. He refuses to turn the AC on so its constantly 80 degrees in my room. He's started wearing a winter jacket ever since I finally refused to turn it off. The guy ordered a winter jacket and doesn't ever wear it OUT of the room, he only puts it on when he walks in.

He also just does some weird stuff. Like one time he got the locks changed on the door without telling me. He used my towel over fall break when I went home and then left it wet on the floor, along with crumbs all over JUST my side of the room. I have never seen him smile, even with his crusty **** friends. Without fail, every night he comes in at 2 in the morning and starts playing his freaking midi file recordings.

Maybe the funniest thing is that he bought this blueberry vodka, and never drank it. Its just sitting under his desk and has been for the 3 months ive been here.

I tried to find things in common with him. He doesn't watch TV, he reads "philosophy literature only," as he "(hate(s) reading for the plot but for ideas and aesthetics)" (copied straight from his Facebook message to me). He doesn't like movies, or video games, or visual art.....

Also on a shallow and really mean note, he has the largest head I have ever seen on another human being. And thats coming from me (i have a big head).

Pls send help. Novel over. It could be so much worse and I know that, but I just needed to get it out of my system lol.

*And yes, i've talked to him, but it doesn't do anything*

Abelysk

Guest

Re: Weird roommates

Wow, that is a weirdo.

Never had a roommate, so can't say.

I have seen weird people though. They just develop weird habits and think that is the norm. Some habits are weird or even unacceptable to others.

Insanity

Member

From: Douchebag Island

Joined: 2015-03-07

Posts: 1,123

Re: Weird roommates

lmao you've discovered a new life form

grats brah

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Charlie: Well, if you were directly above him, how could you see him?
Maverick: Because I was inverted.

Schlog

Banned

Joined: 2015-07-21

Posts: 1,960

Re: Weird roommates

Wow if I were you I'd probably get violent

Dazz

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 837

Re: Weird roommates

Also on a shallow and really mean note, he has the largest head I have ever seen on another human being. And thats coming from me (i have a big head).

I lol'd at this imagining you like

Well, have fun! I wonder how come you could stand this for 3 freaking months?!  and counting. The part when he comes every night at 2 am and listens music is a BIG no, no, you two should make at least some basic rules before you kill eachother.

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Pingohits

Banned

From: aids lizard

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 7,591

Re: Weird roommates

here's what you should do:

counter his pretentiousness with even more pretentiousness

whenever he steps in, comment on his facial features and end in the word "evidently"

Your eyes seem a bit dull this morning, evidently

Whenever he plays opera music, sing along and play your strings

If he goes out, shout out things your mother would say

Oh, you're going out? Make sure to come back no later than seven!
Don't forget to wear sunscreen!
No funny business!
Don't drink and drive!

When he comes back, do the same.

You smell like smoke. Have you been smoking? Have you?
You're late!
Dinner isn't going to cook itself!
I've been waiting all night for you to get back!

Remember: Pretentious people befriend other pretentious people. They don't care about the others. In order to become a friend of your roommate, you must show him your pretentious powers. Here are some tips:

-Slightly raise your eyebrows when talking to him

-Use big words

-Use phrases such as "Obviously", "Of course it is", "That is problematic", etc.

-Use the word "No" much more often than usual

-When he's talking, interrupt him, apologize, and interrupt him again and again until he gets fed up and ends the conversation

-Turn on all the lights when you have to get up for a midnight pee

-Send him daily emails of your previous accomplishments

-Since he does not want to attend any public gatherings, invite people over to your room instead. It will freak him out and he'll most likely leave. Do this as many times as you want until he starts getting frustrated

-Turn off the AC. When the heat settles, strip yourself until you're in socks and underwear. Walk around singing "Ave Maria" while eating grapes

-Whenever you're practicing your instrument, talk to it. Stuff like "Oh, little violin, you can play better" & "No, no! Not that way! Stop!" will surely drive him nuts

-Ask about his blueberry vodka and whether or not if it is genuine blueberry

-End your messages to him with "haha". An eye for an eye.

-Stare at him repeatedly with a very disgusted face. When he asks what you're doing, tell him you're exercising your emotions

-Drink everything out of a wine glass

-If your dorm has a window, cover it with as many holiday decorations as you can in order to block the view

-Use a fork and knife while eating pizza. Also works for spaghetti and hamburgers

-Constantly tell him you're inviting a plumber over to check the bathroom. Change the schedule. This'll put him on nerve. When he's finally about to crack, tell him you cancelled the reservation.

-Get him clothes from Goodwill every week as a roommate present. Even better if it's the wrong size. A+ if the shirt belongs to another gender.

-Mark your calendar with assorted "Roommate Anniversaries"

-If he asks what time it is, shout "JOHN CENA" and run around the room

-If he asks for a particular thing or person, shout "JOHN CENA" and run around the room

-Tell him you brought a girl over, but you "lost her on the way home"

-Tell him his lips are too wet, and he should use Anti-Chapstick

-turn all your shampoo into dandruff shampoo. When you get out of the shower, throw little white pieces of paper at him. Apologize and tell him your "dandruff" was hyperactive and cannot be contained

-Wear a tin foil hat and sit in front of the fan. Talk to the fan and pretend you're a Martian.

-Buy a pet rock

-Mark all of your things under your initials with an erasable marker. When it disappears, accuse him of touching your stuff since all the initials are gone

-"Forget" your keys every day, forcing him to open the door for you. If he refuses, "open" the door and accuse him of not locking it

-Whenever there is a fire drill, crawl on the floor

-Constantly move around furniture. When he asks, tell him the Chi in the room isn't balanced and needs to be fixed

-Capitalize random Words in your sentences When You're messaging Him

-Set a kitchen timer to a random time ever day. When it rings, don't get up to turn it off. Let it ring.

-Tell him your violin is Ultra-Tuned and doesn't need tuning. Play a song and watch him flinch as you play off-key

-Make him sign a permission slip whenever he wants to watch an R rated movie

-While watching a movie, smirk and point out everything that is going on in the movie

-When the movie is over, complain to him that it was a huge waste of your time. Write a nonsensical movie analysis and tape it to the front door

-Ask him if he has an STD. If he doesn't, smile at him

-Run around the room shouting, "The British are coming! The British are coming!" while carrying a fake torch

-Buy GI Joes and hide them all around your dorm. When he finds one, shout, "Hoo-ah!"
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Hope this helped

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The Party Animal

Formerly TPA2

Joined: 2015-07-10

Posts: 484

Re: Weird roommates

i never had a room mate but i would have straight up told him the things he does wrong

Tako

Member

From: Memphis, Tennessee, USA

Joined: 2015-08-10

Posts: 6,663

Website

Re: Weird roommates

This is why I live off-campus. Also a big reason is because room and board is the same rate as the 4 bedroom house I'm in right now.

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Yeah, well, you know that's just like, uh, your opinion, man.

JadElClemens

Member

From: Colorado, USA

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,559

Re: Weird roommates

Lmao.

You may be able to request a roommate change next semester if  he's really that bad. I know my school doesn't do that, but you could look into it.

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I hate tall signatures.

Pyromaniac

Official Caroler

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,868

Re: Weird roommates

Nah they screwed up housing this year so they aren't doing any changes. I dont have anything concrete to "need" to change, anyway. I'm moving off campus next year, though.