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Zakleo

Guest

Jokes!

Rate the joke the poster above you said!

My joke: Have you ever heard about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac? He lay up all night, worrying if there was a dog.

Zambian

Guest

Re: Jokes!

7/10
There were 3 brothers: Shut up, Manners & Trouble. One day, Trouble gets lost. Shut up and Manners go to the police station & Manners stays outsie. The policeman says "What's your name?". Shut up replies, "Shut up." The policeman says, "Don't be rude! Where's your manners?"
"Outside."
"Are you looking for trouble?" The policeman asks.
"Why yes! How did you know?"

Tachyonic

Guest

Re: Jokes!

8/10. Easily understandable and quite humerous.
Be warned, this is a rude one.

-- Why do pirates say "Thar she blows!"? There aren't any women on board... --

brainlee

Guest

Re: Jokes!

Hello Zambian, your posted joke is really very funny. keep posting more jokes.
Tell me some joke sites if you know. your information will be appreciable.
http://paradorgranada.com/

Last edited by brainlee (Jun 6 2012 6:52:33 am)

killingpepper123

Guest

Re: Jokes!

was that a joke?

Ok, here is mine:

2 guys are on a car ride in 2020

-Put music
-No
-Why?
-Try to guess
-Hum...........
-We are in Israel!
-Oh. Right
-Mines evolved so much, that even sounds   make them blow

(The guy sees one of his budyy)

-Hey! What's up?

KA-BOOM!

Liked it?

Last edited by killingpepper123 (Jun 6 2012 3:57:38 pm)

Tachyonic

Guest

Re: Jokes!

6/10.
I'm gonna be honest, I didn't understand it when I read it through the first time.

Since noone has rated my joke, I'll post it again.

Be warned, this is a rude one.

-- Why do pirates say "Thar she blows!"? There aren't any women on board... --

Gaming_Guy

Guest

Re: Jokes!

5/10 - I didn't really get it.

Why did the banana cross the street? Because he was looking for a banana SLIP!

killingpepper123

Guest

Re: Jokes!

6/10.
I'm gonna be honest, I didn't understand it when I read it through the first time.

Since noone has rated my joke, I'll post it again.

Be warned, this is a rude one.

-- Why do pirates say "Thar she blows!"? There aren't any women on board... --

It's 10/10 when you get it... HAR!

GamingGuy: I'd say 5.5/10

legoguy123

Guest

Re: Jokes!

how do sheep find there way out of a maze?

they use a ma-a-a-a-a-a-ap

Last edited by legoguy123 (Jun 8 2012 1:24:21 pm)

FloddyFosh

Guest

Re: Jokes!

6/10

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Zambian

Guest

Re: Jokes!

10/10
It's pretty funny.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,says he man "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress... "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

legoguy123

Guest

Re: Jokes!

i have one
                                              how does sheep find there way out of a maze?

                                                                                                                                            they use a ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ap

lol  

Zambian

Guest

Re: Jokes!

5/10 too cheesy.
No one rated mine so

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,says he man "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress... "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

cooltv27

Guest

Re: Jokes!

7/10 no yelling and no explosion (yes there needs to be an explosion)
1 clever wish
2 very funny
short one but
2 guys walk into a bar, you think 1 of them would have noticed
dont get it?
bar=_____________

ABC Boy

Guest

Re: Jokes!

4/10 I don't.

I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.

cooltv27

Guest

Re: Jokes!

very good 9/10

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

ABC Boy

Guest

Re: Jokes!

5/10

I met her on the Internet,
she said her name was Kiki,
I spoke to her one Saturday,
it soon became twice weekly.

I liked her face, her pointed chin,
the way she touched her hair,
I loved her smile and glinting eyes,
and all beyond in there

I longed to meet her desperately,
but only could I dream,
of seeing her in the flesh
and not just on the screen

I booked my flight
and flew for hours,
I was feeling so elated
but finally, when we met
her face looked devastated

Why was this? I could not think.
Of course, I should have told her
I'm really only 4 feet tall,
and my head's a lot more balder.

It always seemed too good for real,
the honeymoon was over,
I reluctantly went home again,
and wept as I flew over

and soon enough , I did groan,
the relationship had ended
she broke my heart
the wretched ****,
and still it hasn't mended

there is a happy ending though,
for after I lost Kiki,
I fell in love with Annabel
who doesn't find me geeky

Anna is a lovely sight,
she makes me warm inside
I have to blow her up, you see
cause she's my latex bride

MutantPower

Guest

Re: Jokes!

8/10, humorous, funny poetry.

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

ABC Boy

Guest

Re: Jokes!

7/10 Why?

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

MutantPower

Guest

Re: Jokes!

(What do dark skinned people speak like? "Yo" kinda stuff.)

6.5/10 I don't really get it but I sort of get the idea.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.   After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. ?Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.?

?I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes? replies Watson.

?And what do you deduce from that??

Watson ponders for a minute.   ?Well,

    
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
    
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
    
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
    
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
    
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes??

Holmes is silent for a moment.  

?Watson, you idiot!? he says.   ?Someone has stolen our tent!?

cooltv27

Guest

Re: Jokes!

funny 8/10
answering machine joke
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

ABC Boy

Guest

Re: Jokes!

4/10 IDK
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a crap about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R
is for Rich little ****. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that **** is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

.
stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.