Adventure: Virtual Computer World

krubby · Before February 2015

(The initial idea is from Dinosaur Comics)

You wake up and you're in Cyberspace! You roll yours eyes at the word "cyberspace". You would look around to evaluate your surroundings but no one has told you to. Wait, but how did you roll your eyes without a command?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you do?

>Investigate Area

Looking around you see an onramp labelled "information super highway!" This metaphor is incredibly dated and also terrible. You want to point this out to someone, but the only person nearby is this kid: http://i.imgur.com/Hbemi.jpg surfing an early-90's keyboard through the sky. He's wearing neon clothes and carrying a two-button mouse with a cord attatched to it. In the sky is endless 1's and 0's and besides the stupid highway everything is just some endless Tron grid.

>Ask the Kid Why the Old Metaphor is Still Being Used.
You ask the STUPID KID why anyone even bothered to put in such dated bullcrap, but the STUPID KID's only reply is "Let's get our surf on and learn typing... TO THE MAX!" followed by an ollie, even though he did the wrong movements to pull one and he's floating in midair. Clearly he is from some BAD TYPING GAME from around two decades ago. You also judge that the "INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY" metaphor is part of this thing. It must be that you're in one of those games that were extremely common in the late-80's to mid-90's that attempt to make kids like it by being X-TREME and RADICAL. However, just like every kid to ever play it, you effortlessly see that this is stupid and just a desperate attempt to pull kids in. You consider Following the INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY, Beating the crap Out of the STUPID KID, or Asking the STUPID KID for a ride. However, you might do something else besides those instead.

What do you do?

>Follow the Crap Out of the Stupid Kid.

The STUPID KID starts surfing away down the INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY. On the road are cars made of electricity because apparently things aren't stupid enough already. As you keep on going you see an offramp called TYPE-QUEST 7 that the STUPID KID surfs off of. The sign says above that respectively 5, 10, 12 and 15 miles ahead is PHOTOSHOP, STEAM, SKYPE and THE INTERNET. Do you continue to follow the STUPID KID?

>Follow STUPID KID

You decide to follow the STUPID KID off of the INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY and into TYPE-QUEST 7. He says "come along" and surfs over to a nearby platform which you currently can't reach.

>Take own KEYBOARD and start surfing with him

You hop on to your suddenly existing KEYBOARD, hating yourself in the process for being such a massive tool. You fly over to him to find that there are two big monsters in front of him, trying to take his KEYBOARD. "Oh no, COMPUTER VIRUSES!" he shouts. You wince at the continued use of terrible cyberspace tropes. One of the COMPUTER VIRUSES turns on you and tries to take your KEYBOARD. What do you do?

>Throw STUPID KID into the COMPUTER VIRUSES.

With quick thinking you hurl the STUPID KID off of his KEYBOARD and into the COMPUTER VIRUSES. They grab the STUPID KID and start tearing him apart. The STUPID KID starts shrieking in pain. You find it hilarious. The COMPUTER VIRUSES finish devouring the STUPID KID and turn towards you. Your KEYBOARD has drifted away. What do you do?

>Look for MCAFEE TOTAL PROTECTION

You try to find your beloved ANTIVIRUS SOFTWARE but you cannot find it. You remember you are in the 90's and it does not yet exist. Instead you get the inferior program of the time, G DATA, to come to your aid. Of course the god damn metaphor continues and it flies down from the sky dressed as a superhero. "What do you require from me?!" he inquires.

What do you do?

>Snap G DATA's neck and gain leadership rank over the COMPUTER VIRUSES.

With a quick motion you grab G DATA'S fat neck and snap it. You don't feel any remorse because G DATA seriously sucked. The COMPUTER VIRUSES are enamored by your efficient and emotionless brand of brutality. They stop attacking you, and give you back the STUPID KID who they magically revived. You groan that you'll have to put up with the snotty brat even longer.

LEVEL UP! You excelled to new rank: GUTSY CUSTOMER

STRENGTH: 16 + 3
SNAPPINESS: 28 + 5
CHARISMA: 18 + 2
INTELLIGENCE: 23 + 4
SKILL: 12 + 1

How do you distribute your 5 bonus ABILITY POINTS?

(note: all rank names are from Problem Sleuth because they are so great.)

>Distribute ABILITY POINTS evenly.
You increase all your STATS by 1. Your stats are

STRENGTH: 20
SNAPPINESS: 34
CHARISMA: 21
INTELLIGENCE: 28
SKILL: 14

With that done, what do you do?

>Convince STUPID KID to be your servant from now on in payment for saving his life.

You're not sure you actually want to have him following you, but the STUPID KID has to pay you back for saving him from the COMPUTER VIRUSES. You request that he join you and do what you say. However, you only have an average CHARISMA level, and so the STUPID KID instead offers to give you a ride on his KEYBOARD. "Let's take a rad blast as we learn how to type f and j!" he exclaims. You facepalm. The STUPID KID then says "How about we make a wickedly bogus typing ride to the COMPUTER EMPEROR. You haven't even agreed to join him on the damn KEYBOARD! You consider pointing out that he didn't even use 'bogus' correctly.

>Follow Him. May as Well.

You grudgingly get on the STUPID KID's KEYBOARD and he blasts off. You soon encounter a palace made of cheap Dell plastic. This must be the DELL PALACE of the COMPUTER EMPEROR. You zoom through an arch and enter the DELL PALACE. Inside some PALACE GUARDS halt you and the STUPID KID. They are (god dammit) big animate computer mice with arms and legs holding spears. What do you do?

>Fly off the handle. Do some sort of acrobatic freaking PIROUTETTE off the handle and win like a medal or something

You backflip off of the KEYBOARD and do a bunch of flips and crap before landing on the ground and spinning around in circles. You then get up and start breakdancing on the floor. S*** is so real right now that a disco ball comes down and sick music starts playing. You are giving the performance your all, and you are having a lot of fun! The PALACE GUARDS stare at you aghast, clearly shocked by such highly concentrated awesomeness. While they aren't paying attention, the STUPID KID sneaks up behind them and whacks them both over the head with his KEYBOARD, knocking them out. The lights come back on, the disco ball vanishes and the music ceases. What do you do?

>Explain to them you are there to teach the COMPUTER EMPEROR how to type f and j.

You would, but the PALACE GUARDS were just knocked out by the STUPID KID, which may or may not be a good thing. At least he isn't totally useless. You notice that the STUPID KID is glowing.

>STUPID KID: Level Up

The STUPID KID has excelled to a new rank: Tubular Tot.

Strength: 16 +3
Radness: 3 + 1
Annoyingness: 40 + 5
Intelligence: 8 + 2
Skill: 25 + 4

The STUPID KID has 5 ABILITY POINTS to distribute, and you get to choose where they go. How do you distribute them?

>STUPID KID: Increase RADNESS by 5 ABILITY POINTS

Done. The STUPID KID'S stats are now

Strength: 19
Radness: 9
Annoyingness: 45
Intelligence: 10
Skill: 29

What do you do?

>Loot PALACE GUARDS
Looking through the possessions of the PALACE GUARDS, you find a SKELETON KEY, represented as a big card with a bunch of keyboard keys on it (HAHAHAHA). You also find 50 BYTES which are, of course, the currency here.

>Teach PALACE GUARDS how to type d and k when they wake up

You don't have time to waste with teaching typing to unconsious PALACE GUARDS. Instead you tell your party member to teach them the letters when they get up. He's programmed to teach typing after all. "Radical! We can play letter surfing, where you do sick grinds when you press the correct keys at the right time!" says the STUPID KID. "You do that" you say, and turn to the door which you open and walk through. The door closes behind you, and you find yourself in a mildly cool room that is completely dark. What do you do?

>Let there be light

You grope around the wall until you find a light switch. You flick it on to find yourself in an opulent room made of gold computers. At a throne is the COMPUTER EMPOROR. It is BILL GATES. "Who are you? How did you get in here?" he asks. What do you do?

> Switch the LIGHT on and off repeatedly, hereby hypnotising BILL GATES into your command.
You rapidly flip the LIGHT on and offf at high speeds, expecting BILL GATES to do as you say. Your finger turns into a blur of speed and you develop a new FLIPTECH: Power Surge. You may now FLIP to play as another character in your PARTY!

You finally stop, ready to give BILL GATES your command but he has had an epileptic seizure and is now lying passed out in his chair. What do you do?

>PAUSE GAME, CHECK PARTY CATALOG
Adventure: Virtual Computer World is now paused

:RESUME:
:STATS:
:LOAD GAME:
:SETTINGS:
:HIGH SCORES:
:CREDITS:
:SAVE:
:QUIT GAME:

>:STATS:

:ABILITY STATS:
:PARTY MEMBER CATALOG:
:ACTION POINTS:

>:PARTY MEMBER CATALOG:

Player:
Rank: Gutsy Customer
HP: 100%
Condition: Healthy
Location: Dell Palace Throne Room
Currently Being Controlled By User

Stupid Kid:
Rank: Tubular Tot
HP: 100%
Condition: Healthy
Location: Dell Palace Foyer
Currently Not Being Controlled By User

>Take control of STUPID KID
You are now the STUPID KID. You have been waiting outside the door for your NEW FRIEND to come back. You have been instructed to teach the PALACE GUARDS how to type when they wake up, which is what you are best at. They are still unconsious, however, so you are just slowly surfing around on your KEYBOARD.

Learn special technique INSTANT TYPING CHALLENGE
You already know how to perform this SPECIAL TECHNIQUE! You learned it long ago, and have since been working on levelling up your TYPETECH ABILISTAT. What do you do?

Last edited by krubby (Feb 6 2013 5:03:19 pm)

some woman · Before February 2015

/investigate area

rocktheworld313 · Before February 2015

some man wrote:

/investigate area

Note: Why so many Adventures popping up lately?

krubby · Before February 2015

>Investigate Area

Looking around you see an onramp labelled "information super highway!" This metaphor is incredibly dated and also terrible. You want to point this out to someone, but the only person nearby is this kid: http://i.imgur.com/Hbemi.jpg surfing an early-90's keyboard through the sky. He's wearing neon clothes and carrying a two-button mouse with a cord attatched to it. In the sky is endless 1's and 0's and besides the stupid highway everything is just some endless Tron grid.

Last edited by krubby (Dec 28 2012 1:09:30 am)

edgeofglory123 · Before February 2015

I ask the kid why the old metaphor is still being used.

krubby · Before February 2015

>Ask the Kid Why the Old Metaphor is Still Being Used.
You ask the STUPID KID why anyone even bothered to put in such dated bullcrap, but the STUPID KID's only reply is "Let's get our surf on and learn typing... TO THE MAX!" followed by an ollie, even though he did the wrong movements to pull one and he's floating in midair. Clearly he is from some BAD TYPING GAME from around two decades ago. You also judge that the "INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY" metaphor is part of this thing. It must be that you're in one of those games that were extremely common in the late-80's to mid-90's that attempt to make kids like it by being X-TREME and RADICAL. However, just like every kid to ever play it, you effortlessly see that this is stupid and just a desperate attempt to pull kids in. You consider Following the INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY, Beating the crap Out of the STUPID KID, or Asking the STUPID KID for a ride. However, you might do something else besides those instead.

What do you do?

Last edited by krubby (Dec 28 2012 10:05:36 pm)

Bimps · Before February 2015

Eat his keyboard

some woman · Before February 2015

Pick up his keyboard, and shove it into his mouth.

octodecillion · Before February 2015

then you punch trees with yah honds

Last edited by strider (Dec 28 2012 10:33:20 pm)

Different55 · Before February 2015

rocktheworld313 wrote:

some man wrote:
/investigate area
Note: Why so many Adventures popping up lately?

Because it's better than the "RATE THE SIG AVOBE U LOLO"-type games.

Follow the crap out of the stupid kid.

edgeofglory123 · Before February 2015

I don't punch trees with my 'honds' and follow the highway. May as well.

krubby · Before February 2015

>Follow the Crap Out of the Stupid Kid.

The STUPID KID starts surfing awat down the INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY. On the road are cars made of electricity because apparently things aren't stupid enough already. As you keep on going you see an offramp called TYPE-QUEST 7 that the STUPID KID surfs off of. The sign says above that respectively 5, 10, 12 and 15 miles ahead is PHOTOSHOP, STEAM, SKYPE and THE INTERNET. Do you continue to follow the STUPID KID?

Last edited by krubby (Dec 29 2012 2:43:06 pm)

Arceus64 · Before February 2015

Continue to follow

Bimps · Before February 2015

OH SURE KRUBBY, IGNORE ME, THE FIRST POST FOR THE COMMAND THINGY

Eat his keyboard

DO IT!

krubby · Before February 2015

Bimps, this ain't first come first serve. I just choose the command that I want to be the next one.

Bimps · Before February 2015

oh okay

Follow STUPID KID.

Koto · Before February 2015

Go to photoshop to try and make it not look so outdated.

some woman · Before February 2015

Pick up his keyboard and hit him with it.

edgeofglory123 · Before February 2015

I would go to the INTERNETZ.

Awesomenessgood · Before February 2015

I take my keyboard, minimise myself, and start surfing with him. I wonder what wonderful sh't we'll see!!!

krubby · Before February 2015

>Follow STUPID KID

You decide to follow the STUPID KID off of the INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY and into TYPE-QUEST 7. He says "come along" and surfs over to a nearby platform which you currently can't reach.

>Take owm KEYBOARD and start surfing with him

You hop on to your suddenly existing KEYBOARD, hating yourself in the process for being such a massive tool. You fly over to him to find that there are two big monsters in front of him, trying to take his KEYBOARD. "Oh no, COMPUTER VIRUSES!" he shouts. You wince at the continued use of terrible cyberspace tropes. One of the COMPUTER VIRUSES turns on you and tries to take your KEYBOARD. What do you do?

Last edited by krubby (Jan 20 2013 5:55:55 pm)

some woman · Before February 2015

Throw STUPID KID into the COMPUTER VIRUSES.

Koto · Before February 2015

some man wrote:

Throw STUPID KID into the COMPUTER VIRUSES.

I second this.

edgeofglory123 · Before February 2015

I third the motion. It is done.

krubby · Before February 2015

>Throw STUPID KID into the COMPUTER VIRUSES.

With quick thinking you hurl the STUPID KID off of his KEYBOARD and into the COMPUTER VIRUSES. They grab the STUPID KID and start tearing him apart. The STUPID KID starts shrieking in pain. You find it hilarious. The COMPUTER VIRUSES finish devouring the STUPID KID and turn towards you. Your keyboard drifts away. What do you do?

Last edited by krubby (Jan 20 2013 5:56:44 pm)

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