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Adrianna

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Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Part 1.

"Why do they lock the T.V up?" I said to my brother Jake.
"I have no clue, what's so bad about television anyway?"
"Nothing too bad, maybe Comedy Central?"
"I have a really good idea, lets go upstairs and see if Mom's room is unlocked!"
"Alright" I said, confused as to why they would leave there door open.
Jake picks the lock and now we get to sit here and watch some television, but then we start fighting for the remote.
"Give it to me!" I yelled at my younger brother who ran into the closet. Little did I know what was about to happen. Jake grabs my fathers 44 Magnum and then points it at me.
"You don't get the remote" Jake said while laughing.
"Put that down your going to hurt somebody" I said sort of scared and wondering what would posses him to grab the gun in the first place?
"Don't make me shoot the kid" Jake said then proceeded to point the gun at himself.
"Be my guest!" I said, laughing now.
Blood covers the walls and down my shirt.
What did I do?

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Part 2.

Wake up.
No, I can't do this again.
Yes you can now wake up! said the voice.
No, I'm done I can't do this ever again.
WAKE UP!!
Alright i'm getting up.
I'm getting dressed.
I look at myself in the mirror and i'm quite surprised.
I punch the mirror as blood drips from the knuckles on my hand.
(At the bus stop)
"Good Morning Jon." said the Bus Driver.
Just keep walking said the voice.
Why don't you just shut up?
As long as you keep walking
"Hey Psycho sit down!" yelled Billy, my old best friend. Things changed after everyone now thinks I killed my brother.
"Why don't you just shut your mouth Billy?" I yelled to the back of the bus.
"Come over here and make me!" yelled Billy, steaming mad.
Don't do it Jon!
Why not, he doesn't deserve all of this popularity.
"If you say so." I yelled as I proceeded to do what I said.
Rolling around on the bus throwing my punches as hard as I can while im getting pummeled by his and his little gang.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3.

Just forget about him. said the strange voice in my head.
Why should I, all he does is run his mouth because my brother killed himself.
I know how you feel.
No you don't! You don't know what it's like seeing your brother kill himself right in front of you! You don't know what it's like to be called a psycho murderer every day of your entire life! It's not fair!!
Yes, I do.
What do you me-
"Hey Jon." said my ex-girlfriend Megan
"What do you want?" I wondered.
"Just..wanted to say hi, that's all." said Megan, blushing now.
"Leave me alone." I said, she was the worst girlfriend ever, god knows it.
"You really can be a ---hole can't you?" she said running into the bathroom.
"What are you doing in the hallway Mr.Matthews?" said the science teacher Ms.Wynne.
"Do you smell that?" I said, knowing this will work.
"Smell what?" she wondered what I was talking about.
"It smells like smoke.. coming from the girls bathroom." I said, knowing Megan was a smoker.
"Get to class." she said as the girl's bathroom door busted open, smoke pouring out.
That's so mean... but somehow in a way funny.
Yeah, I know.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 4.

This day just gets better and better.
Just keep going.
Why should I? My life is useless and compleatly dumb.
Listen to me, I know what's going to happen.
I hate Math it's just so boring. I'm glad no-one ever calls on me so I can just sleep al-
"Mr.Matthews, why don't you explain how to find the square root of pie?" The math teacher said, ironically.
"I don't know." I said, of course that was the answer. I knew, I'm just too lazy to answer.
"We will sit here until you answer." she said trying to be clever.
"You find the square root, that's how." I said sarcastically.
Roars of laughter.
"Go to the office." she said, obviously mad.
Good job.
Why don't you just leave me alone?
I can't
What do you mean you can't?
It's too hard to explain.

------------------------------------------

"Four days of suspension." said the Principal.
"For talking back to a teacher?" I said, surprised at this statement.
"For fighting billy, for fighting billy on the bus, for yelling at a girl, for making a girl smoke." Said the Principal.
Just take it and leave.
No, I didn't do anything with Megan!
Say yes.
Never, I refuse to take this blame.
SAY YES!
My ears are ringing with pain from the voice inside my head, somehow he seems too real for me.
"Yes sir..." I said.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 5.

I can't take this anymore.
Don't do it.
You can't stop me, your not real!
You're going to mess up your life.
What life?
Slowly, I grab pills from my cabinet, still broken, never fixed.
One Pill
Three Pills.
Hand Fulls.
Mouth Fulls.
The light turns to dark.
I see my and my brother.
"Be Careful with that!" I said
"No." Jake said.
"Give me the gun!" I said.
"OK, here." Jake said.
Jake gives me the gun, and in this story that i'm seeing.. I shot Jake.        (Bum Bum Bum!!!! )
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 6.

Wake up. said the voice.
What?
You heard me. Wake up.
Where am I?
Home. Wake up.
Who are you?
WAKE UP!
Alright, alright.
You have already gone through this day.
What do you mean?
You'll see.
(Bus Stop)
"Good Morning Jon" said the Bus Driver.
"Didn't you say this yesterday?" I said, now understanding what the voice said to me.
"Hey Psycho sit down!" said Billy
"Shutup Billy." I yelled to the back of the bus.
Come over here and make me.
"Come over here and make me!" Billy repeated.
I did so.
See what I mean?
This is the same day as yesterday.
Yes, yes it is.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 7.
Just forget about him.
Stop repeating what you said yesterday.
I'm just doing what i'm told to.
Get out of my head!
"Hey Jon.." said Megan, the ex.
"What do you want?" I said, playing along with this weird life.
"I want you back." said Megan.
Whoa,Whoa,Whoa what just happened?
The first version of this day is not what really happened.
Weird.
"Leave me alone." I said.
She Runs into the bathroom.
"Do you smell that Mrs.Wynne?" I said, laughing on the inside. I know whats about to happen.
"No" said the Science Teacher.
"I think it's coming from the girl's bathroom." I said, chuckling.
"Get to class."
See what I mean?
Who are you?
I'm your brother.                                                  [ OH MAI GAWD! ]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 8.

Jake, I'm... I'm so sorry.
Don't, it wasn't your fault.
*Jon to the Principal's office*
Suspended.
Pills.
Darkness.
"Don't ever take the remote from my hands again" I screamed at Jake.
"I'm sorry!" yelled Jake, scared out of his mind.
"Don't be" as I shoot him dead.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final Part... Part 9.

Wake up.
Are you serious?
Open your eyes, it's not me anymore.
No, when I wake up the same day will happen again.
Wake up, it's not my anymore Jon.
I'm so sorry Jake, for everything I did.
You didn't kill me.
Yes I did, I saw it myself.
Jon, I love you.
"Wake up." said the Doctor.
"He is awake!" said Mom
"Jon i'm so sorry." said Jake.
"What happened?" I said confused.
"I shot you by accident." said Jake.
"You were in a coma for weeks." said the Doctor.
Surprised, I think i should just take a nap.
Goodnight.
Goodnight. the voice said, as Jake gave me a wink.

Last edited by Adrianna (Mar 1 2012 8:49:49 pm)

jeffreyshi1345

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Beastmode, great job
How long is soon?

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

I'm going to be writing alot, Maybe 20 parts or maybe even more.

32OrtonEdge32dh

Member

From: DMV

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 5,166

Website

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Brilliant, and it was sage to put them all in one topic.

---

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Part 5 is up!!!!

jeffreyshi1345

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Bum Bum Bum
Is 5 really real? Or is it just a dream? I'm confused
Can't wait for 6 now.

OrangeCrix

Member

Joined: 2015-03-01

Posts: 266

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Such a great tale of inspiration. I especially love how Kerry Anne Displays her friendship with Jennifer in her soliliquy near the end of part 5. This clearly displays the cliche story of students studying for class in summerschool. Bravo.

Last edited by OrangeCrix (Mar 1 2012 7:53:59 pm)

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Bum Bum Bum
Is 5 really real? Or is it just a dream? I'm confused
Can't wait for 6 now.

It's a dream to him, but it might be real. (Bum Bum Bummmmm!)

@OrangeCrix

What?

OrangeCrix

Member

Joined: 2015-03-01

Posts: 266

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Such a remarkable tale, I am still mindblown by this example of poetry.

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Part 6 is now up.

jeffreyshi1345

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Such a great tale of inspiration. I especially love how Kerry Anne Displays her love for Jennifer in her soliliquy near the end of part 5. This clearly displays the cliche story of two young females exploring themselves and who they can really be if they just expressed themselves. Bravo.

@Orangecrix Wonderful analysis. I do agree that the basic plotline is very cliche, and the soliloquy was one of the best parts.
@Adrianna In part 4, where the girls get into an argument, the story seems becomes suspenseful. Then, later on, when Kerry Anne admits her love for Jennifer, the audience is reassured that the story is, as orangecrix said, the cliche story of two young females exploring themselves. I give it a 9/10. You had a few spelling errors (like one or two), the plotline so far could use some work, as it is very predictable, and there needs to be more characters.

All in all, I really think you should keep working hard on this.

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Such a great tale of inspiration. I especially love how Kerry Anne Displays her love for Jennifer in her soliliquy near the end of part 5. This clearly displays the cliche story of two young females exploring themselves and who they can really be if they just expressed themselves. Bravo.

@Orangecrix Wonderful analysis. I do agree that the basic plotline is very cliche, and the soliloquy was one of the best parts.
@Adrianna In part 4, where the girls get into an argument, the story seems becomes suspenseful. Then, later on, when Kerry Anne admits her love for Jennifer, the audience is reassured that the story is, as orangecrix said, the cliche story of two young females exploring themselves. I give it a 9/10. You had a few spelling errors (like one or two), the plotline so far could use some work, as it is very predictable, and there needs to be more characters.

All in all, I really think you should keep working hard on this.

Can you give me something real about the story, cause this is irrelevant.

plat aka kingpooultra

Member

Joined: 2017-05-27

Posts: 3,873

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Interesting story! I'll keep checking this for sure!

jeffreyshi1345

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Such a great tale of inspiration. I especially love how Kerry Anne Displays her love for Jennifer in her soliliquy near the end of part 5. This clearly displays the cliche story of two young females exploring themselves and who they can really be if they just expressed themselves. Bravo.

@Orangecrix Wonderful analysis. I do agree that the basic plotline is very cliche, and the soliloquy was one of the best parts.
@Adrianna In part 4, where the girls get into an argument, the story seems becomes suspenseful. Then, later on, when Kerry Anne admits her love for Jennifer, the audience is reassured that the story is, as orangecrix said, the cliche story of two young females exploring themselves. I give it a 9/10. You had a few spelling errors (like one or two), the plotline so far could use some work, as it is very predictable, and there needs to be more characters.

All in all, I really think you should keep working hard on this.

Can you give me something real about the story, cause this is irrelevant.

Fine. Well the story itself is great, interesting plotline. Did you have the plot planned out already when you chose the name "Echo"? BTW, who is the lil voice in Jon's head? Can't wait for part 7.

My actual rating:
So far, 9/10. One spelling error (completely in part 4) and everything else is good. When you finish this entire story, you'll probably have a 10/10

Can't wait for the end. They seem to get better and better

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Thanks, and the voice in jon's head will be told.
And yes, I've had this story in my head for a long time.

jeffreyshi1345

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

I KNEW IT!
Here's what's gonna happen next. The TV wasn't really a tv. It was some kind of mind linking device. I'm probably wrong. But I was right about the voice being his brother! BTW, you missed some grammar and other spelling stuff. Imma show mah other friends this.

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

PART 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SilverStar

EE Homegirl

Joined: 2015-07-01

Posts: 541

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Wow I needed some good story to think about! I will definitely read check back on this story!
The truth is... The boy is crazy! Gone bonkers! Everything in this story is just an illusion! (Just my theory)

---

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Thank you so much.
I'll write more stories if people want me to

jeffreyshi1345

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Too short
Thought it was gonna be 20 parts

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

It was alright though right?
I though i did pretty good for no insperation.. and all of this good work in one day.

GKAbyss

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

LOL Epic twist at the end rofl.
Geat story, i hope you make more

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Thank you so much, I'm going to make more don't worry.

mangoman

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

O...M...G... this was the most epik story I just read. I was shocked, mind-blown, and more. If this was published, I would so buy it. I can't wait for you to make more stories I'm one of your awesome fans. :D:D

Adrianna

Guest

Re: Echo (Story by Beastmode)

Thanks