EE and Me

HappyKat · Before February 2015

Ok so first a little foreword. The following essay is 100% true based of off my social interactions with the people and users of everybody edits.

It is also true that for the most part my online alter ego was Katgirl for a very long time, and the username Failgirl101 was made a joke. At the same time though, it's a logical name and I understand why I chose it. I would not change the name Failgirl101 even if I had a chance, and here is why.

Enjoy,

-Failgirl101

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Everybody Edits and Me

An Essay by Failgirl101

In my life I have always had problems with social interaction. I have always found it quite difficult to introduce myself to new people, and to speak up for myself when I needed to.

My shyness began at an earlier age, but became progressively worse as I was bullied more and more throughout middle school. When I had reached High School I had just about given up hope, and I was terrified to enter a new place, in fear that the mockery would continue.

I was very conscious about my self-image, which often made me very insecure. I was an easy target for some kid to make fun of, like a predator and it?s prey.

With such pressures in life I felt as if no one would ever understand me. I felt as if I was left in a dead end corner alone, and by myself. Everyday I would come home from my first year of High School and then sit around and do nothing. I had no friends, and no one to talk to.

I flocked to the computer, because I felt like if I tried hard enough I could find that which I lacked in my real life; friendship, happiness, and attention.

It did not take me long to realize the price of my anonymity. When no one knew who I really was, I could be virtually anyone, but at the same time I also had to realize that I had to be careful. I was only a kid trying to fit my way into the big picture. Trying to make a name for myself, trying to look important. I realized, for the most part it?s not as if anyone will ever really know the real me, so why bother act like myself. I could start over, be someone fresh, be someone new, and so I became Katgirl.

Katgirl became my alter ago, a character somewhat like me except skinnier, and stronger. She was a friendly warrior by day, and a spy by night always doing the right thing trying to help people out.

A pretty generic character in hindsight, but it gave me a little hope; something to cling onto.

In my early days my main focus was on one of the biggest gaming sites on the Internet, Newgrounds. A website basically made by the community, for the community and it was rad. Things were always changing, games and movies coming and going. So many different styles and ideas it really began to spark my interest in the idea of online gaming.

It was not till on later on that I had discovered another game. Unlike the others in which I had played this was different. Instead of just playing the levels, you could make the levels, and instead of playing by yourself you were surrounded by others who could play along with you. You could freely create worlds and edit them with others to create little mini adventures with the click of a button. It was something unique, and something new.

Little did I know that this game, Everybody Edits, would have such a huge impact on my life.

When I first started playing I did it more for the building aspect, and less for the social aspect, but as time went on there was a change in me.

The first couple of users I met seemed friendly enough. I remember them very clearly, their usernames were Ultimoz and Azarlak. Two pretty strange kids who seemed to enjoy making sprite art.

I didn?t actually know who they were in real life, but at the same time it never really occurred to me to ask them about who they really were. The only thing I wanted was a sense of belonging, and to know that I am valued somewhere in life (no matter how insignificant it may seem). It was this first bond between the three of us that really started to help make me feel a little less antisocial. I guess I sort of felt like, well hey if these people will be my friends then I am sure there will be other people out there like them too.

I did eventually end up making many friends in High School whom I still talk to today, but that is not the point.

Many people would say that it is unhealthy to spend to much time at the computer, and while I do agree that it is healthy to take a break here and there, in small doses I do believe social interaction over the computer can be helpful and beneficial to the development of a socially awkward person like myself.

I realize that everyone may have a different experience, and not everyone is usually searching for the same goals, but when you become part of something, no matter how small I feel like it gives you a little incentive, a little self gratification that helps boost your self esteem.

The more I became involved in this online world on Everybody Edits, the more I was able to expand and explore my knowledge of the proper social interaction between people online, and by letting myself learn and face these problems I was getting something back that I needed as well; attention.

I believe it is attention that was my driving factor for the most part, it was attention that kept me hooked. The drama, the excitement, and I was always at the center of it. And in the end it was all pointless, all in good fun. And who would care? No one really, because that was the point. No one really knew me, I would never meet any one these people in real life. I figured, why should I respect them, and why should I care? I abused my power of anonymity. I became obsessed with wasting my time causing destruction and mayhem. I thought it was cool, and funny, and people would respect me for it, but all it brought me in the end was loneliness. The attention I once sought after, no longer came to me.

I realized, when you think that there are no consequences to fooling around online, there actually are. When you troll around and try to act cool everyone hates you, no one trusts you or listens to you. You become a virtual outcast, hated by populace.

It didn?t take me long to learn the error of my ways, but yet at the same time I was also coming to another realization. All this cat and mouse was all good and fun, but really in the end, what am I accomplishing? What is it that I am doing? Why am I wasting my time here? Why do these people matter?

Well the answer is this, though to most you may consider Everybody Edits a game, I do not. I view it as much more than that, something deeper and more emotional. I used it like a crutch in my life to carry me through the times when I was in social need. It gave me something that I needed in my life for a time, and even though after three years I no longer need the extra interaction I still continue to interact with the community.

I realize that there are other kids out there probably going through a hard time like I had, and kids who probably have had a worst situation than I had, and Kids who don?t have a real home, or a real shelter, or any real friends, who use Everybody Edits as I once did.

And so, if I could say one thing about online communities I would say this. Though they are no substitution for real life interaction, it does give most people a change to start over, to reintroduce themselves, and to change. It gives people real life emotions like fear, and anger, and sadness, and joy. For some it gives a shelter, and family, and a home. For me it gave me attention, discipline, and eventually self-confidence. I have learned to avoid the bad, and embrace the good. (And for the most part to be kind, because you never really know what other people may be going through in their real lives.) And that how is how Everybody Edits has changed me.

Last edited by HappyKat (Jan 25 2013 11:25:33 pm)

iPwner · Before February 2015

Everybody Edits has not changed me in the same manner it has to you... I actually had pretty much the OPPOSITE case.

My life couldn't get better... I was funny, extremely popular without even noticing it, smart, and had a simplistic manner of going through life. I never over-thought anything, and just... lived! With a good family life, good, true friends, and occasional social problems that came up to spice up my life, a life that replenished my life with new imagination every few months... what more could I want? Then, one day... a kid, introduced me to Everybody Edits. I basically already explained this in a topic I made that I shall not speak the name of, but... well, I really haven't been the same after 2 years. It's given me new ways to approach life, and I think this is a good thing. But, Everybody Edits have given me more bads than goods.

The Bads

- Have slowly, over time, become socially awkward (although I think there's still a little bit of the old me left)

- Have grown from my family, creating a really bad interfamily relationship.

- Have gotten really depressed about life, and over-think things too much, limiting my friends down to a very small range... I doubt I'll ever meet anyone like this in my life, again. (Although, I believe I met one person who was like this... I will always miss you, Kathrynn! (died in car crash))
The Goods

- I now can see which friends are worth it and not worth it beforehand, and take into account their characteristics (but this may be just overthinking it...). I can see both sides of a fence, and think with more logic... basically, I am just a wiser being overall.

- I have a greater appreciation for nature, and have realized how evil a computer can be. I am partaking in more things that I believe I can grow my life in, by actually taking action in expanding my skills in art, music, and writing. I used to be a very gifted comedian (I ACTUALLY made people laugh! Not just those kinds of people who say meh and generic comments... but I actually said funny, original things to fill people with joy!)... but this gift has been taken away from me, by Everybody Edits.)

~~~~~~~

I'm not saying the goods aren't important, but in the end, I'd really like my old life back. ;'(

PWNER'S OPINION: If your life is good, please quit EE now. I tried, but I was already too sucked in... quit now, before it's too late. ;'(

skullz17 · Before February 2015

@Ipwner

I don't think it's making my life worse. I can differentiate between my two lives, online and irl. I think EE has made me overthink things more like you said but I consider that a good thing. I think more carefully about myself now, rather than pay attention to others and blindly agree in my previous ignorance. I feel like I've opened my mind after playing EE (mostly because of the forums though) and I've noticed that my opinions on things are much more complex and I can actually give reasons now.

It helps me get away from my real life. I like to think of EE as an 'alternate life', something to come back to when everything else goes wrong.

HappyKat · Before February 2015

Well see my life really sucked before I started playing so I didn't really have much to lose Ipwner

But yea it is kind of addicting once you start playing.

Bimps · Before February 2015

I love this game, so much. But the only impact is more time on the computer. Maybe it made a change I don't know about...

Tako · Before February 2015

That's a story many people share, my friend.

A while back I was vexed by the thought that time spent online was a complete waste. Only recently, within the past year, I too have learned that the internet is littered with valuable life lessons free of charge. People in reality care far too much about appearances and physical characteristics to see people for who they are.

The internet completely removes that burden and therefore should be considered an extension of the human body, for without which we would progress into the wrong dogmas.

treejoe4 · Before February 2015

Why is everyone so dramatic about ee, half of what I got out of it was laughing at people after I ruined their level and made it go off the lobby.

The other half is talking to people, who often do not share any similarities to me.

HappyKat · Before February 2015

The idea of the essay was to write a creative non fiction narrative. Every non fiction narrative I have ever written is about how I got bullied.

I despise writing non fiction narratives, and so I tried to write it with a twist. Though it may be over exaggerated in some ways, I still believe it to be true. People generally don't do things without a reason. Even if that reason may be as something as simple and dumb as attention.

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