Official Everybody Edits Forums

Bobithan

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,476

Ralph

Let me tell you about a good friend of mine. He's amazing, it's almost like He is my God. My odd circle of friends often ends up dancing around Him while showering Him in gifts, just to show our appreciation of this amazing fellow. His name is Ralph and He's a block of wood.

A while ago, two friends of mine exited our school building through a back way out from the gym. Over a handrail bordering a path down some stairs to a small road, there is a grassy area up top of a hill besides the school. For no apparent reason, a block of wood sat meaninglessly in said area. It might have had some purpose that they did not notice or that was possible to figure out, the removal of Ralph might have been responsible for terrible events to come, but the important thing is He is ours now.

The two friends decided to put Ralph on top of the slide down by the playground. The motives of this choice are probably in the "why the hell not?" category, but the choice has become part of the tale of Ralph. Later in the day, Ralph was remarkably still there and was relocated to a more appropriate area for adequate rituals, a very good area in fact. In front of a tree was a circular bit of concrete, probably originally for some sort of tetherball pole, but that has become the official and original shrine of Ralph. A tree behind Him represented He is one with nature, the concrete making an ideal resting area for His greatness. It was perfect.

Before long, we would have often meetings during outdoor freetime circling Ralph dancing to classic tribal music like What Is Love and Jungle Boogie, but not before giving Him offerings such as ameteur knitting and empty milk cartons, of course.

These rituals ended up getting quite a lot of attention, Ralph was at the risk of becoming a target from the evils below. We had to relocate Him again to a safe place, where people won't find him. Three of us carried Ralph over to a basketball court, and put Him in a small pipe for flowing rainwater around the court. This was a humbling time for Ralph, it was one of the hardships in His lifetime, but after all the attention died down we then brought him back to His original shrine to relive the good times of our rituals.

Times went on normally after that, the occasional ritual here and there, more offerings piling up on His greatness. Weather became rainy for a long time letting Him rot, showing that even the greatest of lords can suffer from mortality. A grave has been made for Him eventually, reading "RIP Ralph, A loving block of wood", to symbolize death is inescapable even to those made out to be immortal. Ralph, though in his defeated state, still was thriving in our souls.

Just recently, the last day of school, we decided to have one last ritual for Ralph. It started humbly, just 4 of us, having a good time praising Ralph to the tune of What Is Love. Rapidly, more and more started to join our ritual until we had a total of 15 people sharing the love that is Ralph. Then, something horrible happened.

It wasn't noticeable at first, just a teacher looking at us weirdly asking us what we were doing. "Oh we're just reviving Ralph, that's all". A few minutes went by before he decided to come over, let's call him The Antiralph. The Antiralph has had a good reputation in the school grounds that are home to Ralph, so at first a majority of Ralph's followers were assuming The Antiralph was going to join us in our ritual. That did not happen. A few seconds went by of The Antiralph standing in disbelief at the blasphemy going on. Is this what religion has become?

He blew up. Apparently, during the last 20 minutes of school kids get out of control. Apparently, dancing and bonding with classmates under the power of an almighty God is unacceptable. The Antiralph took our freedom of our religion, our constitutional rights, just because of a little assumption that everything we do that involves burning more than a couple of calories is being out of control, and it only applies to the last week or so of school. But it's okay, because the entire time The Antiralph was yelling, What Is Love was playing in the background taking away everything he was trying to portray.

Sadly, The Antiralph didn't stop there. School wasn't entirely over, we still had graduation and a dance afterwards to attend. When we came back, all of His offerings were stripped from his shrine, leaving only His grave and Him, sitting humbly by the tree, looking good as ever. This has taught us a couple of lessons with this; that even through the toughest of hardships you can still stand strong and be yourself, and also that teachers get pretty on edge at the end of the year, a lot of the time even more so than the students.

To pay thanks to Ralph and all the good times He has given us, we took the flowers from the suits we were wearing and pinned them to His glory. There He sits, rotting wood, rotting grave, rotting flowers, still proud of what He had to offer to the youth of the pathetic school that He resides at. Despite all the hardships He has suffered, He will still have a place in our hearts.

Thank you, Ralph.

Last edited by Bobithan (Jun 13 2013 8:46:04 pm)

---

aka towwl

N1KF

Wiki Mod

From: ဪဪဪဪဪ From: ဪဪဪဪဪ From: ဪဪဪဪဪ

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 11,158

Website

Re: Ralph

I find this story funny and sad at the same time. Not many stories can do this. Congratulations.

Deetz

Guest

Re: Ralph

For a split second I thought you were talking about Plank from Edd Edd n Eddy, but then I looked it up and yeah his name isn't Ralph.

Beautiful story though.

skullz17

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 6,699

Re: Ralph

That story was beautiful.

I'm not even joking, half way through the story I started getting really serious about it.

Although there was still room to find the humour.

---

thx for sig bobithan

Bobithan

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,476

Re: Ralph

I took pictures
Ralph
His shrine

---

aka towwl

N1KF

Wiki Mod

From: ဪဪဪဪဪ From: ဪဪဪဪဪ From: ဪဪဪဪဪ

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 11,158

Website

Re: Ralph

I took pictures
Ralph
His shrine

I would vote Him for president if He were still alive.

skullz17

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 6,699

Re: Ralph

I would create a new religion and call him a God of worship.

---

thx for sig bobithan

Buzzerbee

Forum Admin

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,575

Re: Ralph

I support the Antiralph. Creativity is frowned upon, as is Cockburn.

EDIT: I tried to say cannibalism but my phone changed it to Cockburn so ill just leave that there...

Last edited by BuzzerBee (Jun 16 2013 4:49:04 am)

---

Arceus64

Guest

Re: Ralph

All I got from this is that the message you are trying to send is that freedom of religion is important.

I think.

Bobithan

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,476

Re: Ralph

All I got from this is that the message you are trying to send is that freedom of religion is important.

I think.

No my point is The Antiralph is a big stupid head

#longliveralph

---

aka towwl

Fdoou

Banned

Re: Ralph

Is this a creative story or a true story?

Bobithan

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,476

Re: Ralph

100% true. Just take a look at the pictures of His glory.

---

aka towwl

Arceus64

Guest

Re: Ralph

All I got from this is that the message you are trying to send is that freedom of religion is important.

I think.

No my point is The Antiralph is a big stupid head

#longliveralph

Can I meet The Antiralph then?

JustAnotherBrickInTheWall

Guest

Re: Ralph

If this story is true, then you my friend have some serious problems.
I'll never loose my faith in Flying Spaghetti Monster!

#pastafarianFTW

Echo!

Guest

Re: Ralph

If this story is true, then you my friend have some serious problems.
I'll never loose my faith in Flying Spaghetti Monster!

#pastafarianFTW

I believe it is a real. But, there is nothing wrong with his friends for having awesome imaginations.

Last edited by Echo! (Jun 19 2013 1:48:44 pm)

Calicara

Guest

Re: Ralph

I'm not really sure how at all this relates to religion.

First of all you Ralph is nothing more than a block of wood. I don't see the purpose in the nonsensical worship, but I am not one to judge.

Second, overall I found this story rather pointless. Perhaps in a way a block of wood helped your friends bond, but in the end a block of wood is a block of wood and will never be more than a block of wood (unless you decide to carve it into something else) but then it is still wood.

Third, you are demonizing the 'Anti-Ralph' when in fact you never gave any specific evidence for his yelling. Maybe he did yell at you, but perhaps you deserved it? I think there's more to the story that perhaps you are keeping out, most likely in an attempt to emphasize how much more right you are. But, whatever.

It's just wood.

Last edited by Calicara (Jun 19 2013 2:11:20 pm)

Echo!

Guest

Re: Ralph

Failgirl101. It's just a real story. You can't say it's a bad story, because it's real, it happend.   lol.

killingpepper123

Guest

Re: Ralph

Calicara

Guest

Re: Ralph

Failgirl101. It's just a real story. You can't say it's a bad story, because it's real, it happened.   lol.

I realized it was real, because I saw the pictures of Ralph. That made me laugh even more over how ridiculous this whole thing is. A bunch of kids worshiping a non-symbolic piece of wood. Hmm... maybe this is kind of like religion after all.

I just think that just because something that someone did is strange or unusual, doesn't automatically make it beautiful or unique. If an idea of something is so abstract that only a few truly understand it, then how can you make others understand.

It's true, Ralph is a piece of wood, but the fact that he was just a randomly chosen piece of wood makes him way less special and he is only iconic because a group of kids thought it would be fun to idolize him as special. In fact, there was nothing incredibly special I had read about Ralph that made me want to care what the 'Anti-Ralph' thought, so I just don't see the point in sharing this story.

Last edited by Calicara (Jun 19 2013 3:25:57 pm)

Shift

Guest

Re: Ralph

Don't drink the kool-aid, Bobithan.

While I read this I kept thinking of Lord of the Flies. It may have a different moral to the story, but, I don't know, the whole idea of hosting wild rituals around a force of nature seems pretty similar.

Bobithan

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,476

Re: Ralph

BAMP

(Directing this post at FailGirl as I just remembered of this thread's existence)
Okay let me get this straight
There is no moral
This is not serious
It's a joke

We symbolized a block of wood because it is a block of wood. It has no meaning, it's not significant at all. Just the sheer fact that we made such a big deal from a rectangle was funny so we continued to perform the rituals. It was fun, so we did it. Simple as that.

And FailGirl, if you want to know everything the Antiralph was saying then so be it.
He said it was ridiculous. That we were out of control. His main point was that at the last 20 minutes of school kids get crazy, which is true. I, personally, don't see what's so crazy about it but you might have different opinions on circles of dance.
What he didn't mention was the fact that there were offerings (random trash) littered all over Ralph. When we came back to snap pictures of Ralph the next day those offerings were gone. He also told this to one of my friends after the whole thing happened, so you know, that was probably it.

Last edited by Bobithan (Jun 22 2013 2:45:05 pm)

---

aka towwl

Calicara

Guest

Re: Ralph

It is crazy to worship something which holds no value.

See it is unlike religion because, at least in a factual sense, the idea of worship is usually to promote healthy moral values by following by example. For example, in Christianity Jesus believed that when angry one should turn the other cheek.

Ralph was a non symbolic piece of wood which held no purpose to begin with, nor any purpose afterwards. I think it's stupid that you would worship something of no value to being with, because it's not making you any better or worse of a person. It's just a waste of time, and in my opinion, a bunch of students trying to do something to make them feel special, but really there is nothing special about it.

Unless Ralph had somehow changed you or your friends, or held some important significance, I fail to see how the anti-ralph was wrong.

EDIT: I just think your idea is so abstract and specific it would never really make any sense to others. No rational person would just begin to worship a random block of wood if they found it. Why you did it, I don't know, but it doesn't really make any sense.

Last edited by Calicara (Jun 24 2013 5:37:41 pm)

Bobithan

Member

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 4,476

Re: Ralph

You seem to be taking a non-serious topic too seriously. It doesn't make sense, don't you get it? We don't actually believe Ralph is a god, it was a fun thing to do during our free time so we did it. We just have different opinions on fun, it seems. To us, it was funny seeing the looks of teachers' faces throughout the year when seeing us surrounding a block of wood on some sort of shrine. They thought it was stupid and that's kind of the reaction we were going for.

Besides, who could resist dancing to great tunes such as What Is Love and Jungle Boogie? I know I couldn't.

---

aka towwl

Calicara

Guest

Re: Ralph

Meh... Sorry if I'm too serious, there are just not enough interesting topic on the forums anymore to discuss.

I see... you did it for attention... still weird but eh...

I don't have much else to say. Just, you know, it's always best to consider both sides of a story. Maybe you only did it for fun, but for those who were not in on the trick I'm sure you must have looked rather strange. Maybe the anti-ralph was just worried