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Glorious-gang

Anonymous user

I don't know what to title this.

Mods, feel free to remove this if it's too much. I just needed somewhere to say this anyways.

▼Warning: Sexual content and talk of suicide

Here's some advice: Don't do long distance relationships. They can and will go wrong; the chances of success are much, much lower than even physical relationships.

Recently, I lost all of my friends. All of them. I can't be mad at them, after all it's their choice to leave and never forgive me. I think the problem with them leaving was that, the chance to explain what really happened was never given to me. Such is life, I guess. How did this happen?

Chapter 1: October and November
It started last year. I gathered up some of my closest friends and we started playing an online game together almost every day. It was fun seeing all the weirdos and all the friendly players in the game; we tried to befriend a few of the friendly ones over discord, but none stuck with us except this one girl. She was very sweet, and she seemed to hit it off well with all of us, so naturally we decided to give contacts over discord and whatnot. She was basically another person in the group I established. Smooth sailing it seems. Eventually, because everyone else knew what everyone looked and sounded like, she eventually opened up to sending a few pictures and joining in a few calls. Then one time I was chatting with her and the topic steered itself to a more sexual topic. It turned out we had a lot in common in that department, and we started being very sexual over text with eachother. She found me very attractive, from my hair to my kinks and whatever else she wanted to throw at me. Being a male and also a loser, all this affection was overwhelming, and I started having feelings. So I confessed not too long later, and she reciprocated. Easiest confession of my life. At first it was kind of a 'backburner' relationship, where we'd break things off if any one of us started catching feelings for someone else. This didn't happen.

Chapter 2: December and the high point.
I'd just got news that she was planning to vacation in my state not too far away from me for Christmas. So around December, we locked in our feelings and became a... half-relationship? We weren't calling it official. At this point, everything seemed okay. She didn't contest to much of anything I was saying to her, and the times she didn't want to do something, I respected it. We also were doing more romantic things (as much as doing it over discord can get you), having long calls together, flirting, all that stuff. Then her family problems started arising. Apparently her father was a real something, and her and her mother (she still lived with them and depended on them) were trying to get separated from him. In the process, she got a therapist. She didn't seem to have any issues at the time but I guess her mom was being careful and suggested it. Her vacation in the process was pushed to new years. We were both excited to see eachother in January, even making a list of things to do together.

Chapter 3: January 2021 and the beginning of the end.
We spent two days with eachother. First day, she came to me and we hung out with the group. It was so nice to see her, and I could tell by the way she kissed me she was very happy to see me too. Now, tell me, if someone tells you its okay to do something, and it's something you wanted to do, would you do it? We snuck off to do the things we talked about in the texts, then came back to the group. We both seemed very happy with what had transpired. We spent the rest of the day together before she had to go back to her hotel room (her mom was there so I didn't actually like do anything). In her approximate words, "It was everything she wanted it to be" and I repeated that sentiment. There was a few days gap between the next day, which would be like an actual date (Really shows you the priority, huh? We both messed up there). And that day I drove an hour to pick her up at her hotel. We walked around, had some good banter and conversation. Sexually it was a lot less intense but I was still respecting her consent whenever she told me no to something. Soon enough she was on a plane back to her home state, and we were both very upset about that.

Chapter 4: February and the false end.
February rolls around and her mental state is now starting to show signs of illness. Depression, trouble eating, talking to what seemed like everyone way less. I offered for us to go on break so she could set herself straight. Every time we did, she'd just come right back. Her mental health was taking an effect on me too. I guess I was afraid to lose what little love I had at the time, so I began what is essentially harassing her. It was... disgusting. We broke up I think ON valentines day, which was sour. But it was fine, she gave her reason to be "distance and mental health" which is good. I was in the mindset of thinking we split on good terms, she just needed to get back on her feet. She kept getting worse. While I was in touch with her, she'd disappear for 1-2 weeks sometimes. She went to a mental hospital due to a suicide attempt. I was genuinely worried about her, I even voiced my concerns to my friends. I cried and prayed for her.

Chapter 5: March and what seemed like hope.
Nothing extremely notable happens. Except for two things. After a second visit to a mental hospital, it seemed she was getting better. Not too better, if I'm remembering, but it was progress. She started talking a little again, and at this points I knew that we weren't getting back together, but I'm not really the kind of guy to abandon exes if I can help it. The second thing was, one of my friends in that group that was close to her suddenly stopped talking to me. I thought it might have been something I said that offended said friend, but even texting them wouldn't net a 'seen'. Around the end of march the ex was beginning to feel a lot better.

Chapter 6: April, the true ending.
It's a similar story to the later part of march, she's beginning to recover. Friend still wouldn't talk to me. Around the middle of April, I was hanging out at home when I received a phone notification. The message sent to me was, well it was a message alright. Detailing just how manipulative and sexual I was, like she was some saint or something. She made a few good points in the wall of text, and I thanked her for telling me. I was terrified. Mostly because every facet of what just happened took me by surprise. I'd never known how badly I was treating her, but having it thrown in your face really showed me the true extent of what I was doing. Though, really thinking about it, she exaggerated and forgot a lot about me in that heated wall of text. I cared for her, I asked if she was okay in her lowest moments, I tried my hardest to give her a reason to keep fighting. But most people are known more for the bad than the good; such is life.
Just as I expected, most of my friends cut contact. A few still didn't hear the news or it didn't set in just yet, but I knew no matter how hard I pleaded I wouldn't be getting them back. One friend, on the way out wanted to hear part of my story, specifically she wanted to know basically what I did to her. I told her I had consent in what I did, which contradicted what SHE told her. That means she got a different testimony than I did, as she didn't mention consent. It was already too late, they wouldn't listen to me and would rather move on with their life. And I think it was the best choice for them, because to be honest, I wasn't a perfect friend either. Throughout the month I lost contact with the rest of my friends and became a 100% loner. The strangest part is that I'm not too shaken up about it as long as I don't take a shower without music or leave myself to my thoughts in my bed.

Epilogue: Today, June 22nd, 2021
Nothing has changed much since April. I go out a lot less, I don't have anybody to play games with, generally I'm seen at either my work or at the grocery store. I've simplified my life a lot. But I've learned a lot. I'm training myself to be a lot more humble, and much less of the person I was before. I might start branching out again, I know someone who is asking about me luckily, and I'm certain they haven't heard anything about what happpened. I'll be a friend/lover worth keeping. I still believe what happened to me was absolutely stupid, but again, such is life. I'm gonna try and prevent that from happening again. I had good times with her whether or not she wants to remember them. I had good times with all of them.

Thank you for reading this (and if you didn't read it, thanks for opening the spoiler, I guess)
You could maybe give some advice relevant to this, or just some encouraging words. I'd like that.
Until next time.

Edgy_Egg

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

idk my only advice is: get professional help. An online forum full of losers is no substitute.

Shrill pig

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

Here's some advice: Don't do long distance relationships. They can and will go wrong; the chances of success are much, much lower than even physical relationships.

So, you had one relationship failure and you paint every relationship OTHER people have with the same broad brush stroke? Nonsense.

I've been in a long distance relationship for several years, there's been ups and downs, but we've met in person several times and spent several months together. To this day, it's been a success and, for many people, their relationships have been as well.

The advice I would give to anyone is to never hold your partner above yourself. You can love someone, but you are only doing yourself a disservice by giving them control over your happiness.

If your partner were drowning, would you jump in just to let them push your head under and drown you so they can get a single gasp of air? No. You should call for help, you should reach your arm out but you should NEVER let them pull you under.

Heroic_pirate

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

That sounds pretty rough. Since you lost your friends, it sounds like you don't have anyone to talk to about this. So from one loser to another, hang in there. You'll find a way to move on eventually. I don't know how old you are, but I'm sure you'll have more opportunities to make new friendships/relationships in the future.

It does sound like you could benefit from talking to a professional though. You'll be able to work through your problem in detail with someone that is qualified to help you.

The advice I would give to anyone is to never hold your partner above yourself. You can love someone, but you are only doing yourself a disservice by giving them control over your happiness.

If your partner were drowning, would you jump in just to let them push your head under and drown you so they can get a single gasp of air? No. You should call for help, you should reach your arm out but you should NEVER let them pull you under.

This is good advice but this person has a pretty good reason to be unhappy. It's not just a partner dragging them under, it's a partner turning their friend group against them, and in the end they end up cut off from their friends. So I'm not sure if your advice is applicable in this case. If I was in OP's position, I'm not sure how I would just take control over my own happiness after that.

Fiscal_fascist

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

Could’ve gone better, could’ve gone worse. I don’t know that “don’t do long distance relationships” is the natural conclusion to that story… sounds like there were other primary issues.

On the bright side, you improved yourself and should do better next time around (with someone else). Consent isn’t always a black and white thing and what people think/feel in the moment may not be what they believe in later on, so being careful and waiting for the other person to initiate may be sensible. I think being patient and doing things in the traditional order is important for the long-term, since you only get to begin the relationship once.

But yeah, in my experience long-distance relationships are a bit rough because physical affection is a big part of romance. Ultimately there are always other fish, and if you have to get on a plane to see someone then you might wanna look around closer to home before things get too steamy.

neat_noodle

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

This was an interesting read

Artistic_Apple

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

I have a suggestion for the title . (Title : Relationship tips and Advices)

idk my only advice is: get professional help. An online forum full of losers is no substitute.

Hey , you didn't think that we are people (with winners) here.

neat_noodle

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

I agree with Autistic_Apple, everyone is a winner. Ya'll got this - keep going! Things always get better over time.

Artistic_Apple

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

Here's some advice: Don't do long distance relationships. They can and will go wrong; the chances of success are much, much lower than even physical relationships.

The advice I would give to anyone is to never hold your partner above yourself. You can love someone, but you are only doing yourself a disservice by giving them control over your happiness.

I didn't have any long distance relationships but I had close relationship . This is the brightest moment that I can show you. Let me to explain my situations :

▼My experiences (Warning long story)

  (P. S : I don't give names of my ex-girlfriends because it's anonymous , so I write a letter on them . It's not drama . Is a life experience like this topic) .
1.So , in past (maybe 4-5 years ago) I had a relationship with a girl named D* . She was felt in love with me ;(me either).Together , we get on well and had finally a normal talk from an asylum-type class . We had a long-term relationship for ~2-3 years . After graduating of my middle school we went into separate highschools . It didn't last longer due a big no-no cause . When the pandemic appeared , I had to stay at home for a month and after 2 months (like a normal gentleman ) I messaged her .
Guess what ... She wanted to not talk with me ever because I sent her directly . (Oh jeez , it hurts a lot . Then I realized that was my first break up . My depression lasted 3 months . Perhaps the photo was posted intentionally by my relatives [I don't know what caused] )
2. After the sad depression , I went as a lone wolf . I didn't realize that I had feelings with my classmate(F)  B* . She is fond of anyone . I would not give an extreme attraction to someone who enjoys any person . Last month , we had a fest with my 1/3 of class in a restaurant.
She felt out with me why I couldn't keep an empty seat between her lasses . When the fest was finished , I had to say goodbye to my
classmates . (I don't want to explain the whole situation because it's too painful)
And ... I won't share any emotion with everybody else . Jut ...

a) What do you have a close relationship but the person itself rejects you by social media or saying wrong words etc. ?
b) When will you realize that a group doesn't help you at all , in general? And your loved one will not be fond of you ?

KosherKoala

Anonymous user

Re: I don't know what to title this.

Jesus.

If any of you (not just the OP, but anyone here who has had some sort of experience) need someone to talk to, or even just a new friend, I'm always willing to lend an ear, or a shoulder.

I feel for all of you, hope you are doing better.

-Minimania