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shadowda

Member

From: somewhere probably.

Joined: 2015-02-19

Posts: 1,015

a sad story

the following is a short story i created. there is a ee world to go with it but the world is garbage. I would love some feedback. thanks.

▼ the world

"Its dark. very dark... Im all... alone"

This map isn't about gameplay or art. In fact this map is lacking in both.
This map is about a story. A simple story. A sad story.

I could tell you, but then what.

play the level

Come back after you play. I'll tell you the rest of story then.

▼ the story

The following is account is fiction. any similarity to any real live event or person is unintentional.

His name was Damian. He was only 16.
He was born sickly, so weak he couldn't cry.
His parents were not happy. They expected more.
They always had high expectations.
They left him in the hospitals care.
In the year that followed they never visited.
Finally Damian was healthy enough to go home.
The doctor dropped him off.
His father took him inside.

It turns out as soon as they could, Damian's parents convinced again.
They left Damian on the floor.
And went to the second son.
he was everything they wanted.
Healthy.

The years that followed were rough.
Damian's parents were busy.
They hired a babysitter.
That's the only reason Damian survived.
She fed him, and changed him.

Years passed.

It was time for school.
They didn't need a babysitter.
Damian was left on the floor.
He could barely walk.
He could barely talk.

Damian learned quickly.
He copied what his brother did when he got home from school.
Damian only enjoyed one thing.
Playing with his brother.
It was all he could do.
Because he didn't go to school.
But that all stopped.
His parents didn't like make believe play.
it broke their first rule.
No lying.

A few years went bye.

Damian's parents lost their jobs.
They were doctors.
So they sat around and drank.
And beat their children.
Damian was older.
He had to protect his brother.
He did what I took.
When his brother was going to get beat.
He did something worse.
To take the beating himself.
Eventual this parents got new jobs.
and the drinking stopped.
so the beatings stopped.
But the damage was done.
Damian was seen as the problem child.

Damian wanted to go to school.
He couldn't go to his brothers school.
His parents didn't want their sons reputation tarnished by their problem child.
Damian made some phone calls.
And enrolled himself in a school.

Damian had to walk to school.
it took a few hours.

Damian had a plan.
He would make his parents love him
By getting all As in school.
But that dint work.
So Damian joined as many clubs as he could.
Damian got awards.
But his parents never even looked up to see what he was showing them.

Finally Damian gave up.
He didn't think of the people he knew at school.
Damian didn't make any emotional attachments to them.
They were just tools to get love.

Damian left a note on the table.
Then went about his day.
he suck onto the roof.

and jumped.

---

color = #1E1E1E       

Pingohits

Banned

From: aids lizard

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 7,591

Re: a sad story

generic "feels" story

i would suggest broadening your imagination and not sticking with the regs (suicide etc.)

---

shadowda

Member

From: somewhere probably.

Joined: 2015-02-19

Posts: 1,015

Re: a sad story

generic "feels" story

i would suggest broadening your imagination and not sticking with the regs (suicide etc.)

Thanks for he feedback.

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color = #1E1E1E       

AmdS

Member

From: Brazil

Joined: 2015-05-27

Posts: 2,384

Website

Re: a sad story

I cry