Do you think I could just leave this part blank and it'd be okay? We're just going to replace the whole thing with a header image anyway, right?
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Since I managed to relocate most of my poems, I thought why not post them here. I choose three of them, and here they are. And please tell me what You think about them~
Beware of dark themes.
The loneliness is deep in my soul
searing
breaking
I am devilish and cruel
I saw the eyes of Death...
the normals all hate me for they are fools
there is no life for me, only death
Nobody raises their eyes to heaven, no, not one
intoxicated with blood
no solace for the unforgiven
life is my blood
endless pain.
Slender beams of moonlight enter
this darkened chamber as I kneel,
always lost, always alone,
frozen here,
waiting.
Accusing forms wrought in panes of glass loom as
dust dances in the air,
forming an image in my mind,
penetrating my exposed soul.
A reflection on a mirror's face.
I raise my head, now embracing
this uncaring reality.
My love, my dear,
I touch your cold flesh,
I kiss your blue lips,
and pray.
tonight you will come back.
to never leave again.
My love, my dear,
forever we promised each other.
Now, blood from the living to revive the sleeping,
come back to me.
To the gods of death,
I beg of thee!
My love, my dear,
your cold flesh grows hard,
your soft lips peel,
not yet, don't go!
stay here.
So I can see the color of your beautiful eyes once more.
Last edited by Oturan (Sep 14 2011 1:05:26 pm)
I don't feel the rhythm in everything you've posted so far. I guess it's a style, but they're hard to remember then
I don't like the style. No flow. Sounds like some goth kid just talking.
That might be because im goth, and a poem doesn't necesarily have to have a rhytm in them. I wrote these about three years ago if I remember correctly, and then I was 13.
Last edited by Oturan (Sep 15 2011 11:24:59 am)
Oturan,
If you post that, then you think we CAN read this. Nobody wants to see some kind of trash. If it is trash or something that you wrote by the age of 13, then you think it's ready for us to be read.
But it isn't!
Yeah, also poem shouldn't have the rhyme, so let it be white poem. Like this:
once my Daddy ate a sandwich
but the horse was jumping faster
Jack had tried to not get damaged
mother's cooking June July
Well atleast I like them~ And just so You know even though I ask for Your opinions, I just ignore them, good or bad. But You call this trash? Well everyone has right to their opinion. I've gotten good reviews from other people. So it's just a matter of taste I guess.
wow. These poems represent stress to me... Why?
Oturan,
If your mother still calls you smart and pretty, but you still haven't got a girlfriend ? it's a good time to stop believing your mother.
Good poetry is liked by lots of people. Because it's found in depths of one specific man. Nobody can do the same, so people like it very much
For example,
My love, my dear,
I touch your cold flesh,
I kiss your blue lips,
and pray.
tonight you will come back.
to never leave again.
Well, it's not even a poem. Seriously. Let's do it like this and you'll see:
My love, my dear, I touch your cold flesh. I kiss your blue lips, and pray. Tonight you will come back to never leave again.
You see? The difference stays the same even in intonation I use to read these words.
Ignore my advice, it's a very good position, not to get better.
It's not smart, try to make something you like, but with some more patience. Try to work harder, there's no limit for being perfect. Even if this is "perfect".
My love, my dear,
I sense your fear,
I kiss your lips,
And pray for tips.You will return
By way that torn
And won't come back
To place, where's black
My love, my dear,
My subj. of fear,
I kiss your lips,
This gives me creeps.And pray
All day
On the
E-BayTonight you will come back,
I'll hide you in the sack.
You'll never leave again,
And find me kissing Ann (or eating hen)
Well, at least, this looks like a poem. But this doesn't sounds like a poem at all. Because first quatrain is a iamb with four syllables, second with two and third with six. This makes sense.
Well good poetry is liked by lots of people, but there can still exist people who will dislike it. Can You define what it is that doesn't make this a poem? And I know that im far from being good at writing poems, and that I have a long way to go to before I will be able to write something that will be remembered. But the only question I have now is, what makes You say that this isn't a poem?
The only editing I saw in your first quote was that You changed a few of the commas to punctuations and that you removed a dot, and thats something that I forgot that I should have edited. And the second quote is really good, but it's totally different from what I had written.
And these ''poems'' I wrote, I decided not to edit them since they are there to remind me of how my writing was when I was younger, and thats what makes me not want to improve them. Even though I know that I can, it was three years ago and I have improved since then.
Because first quatrain is a iamb with four syllables, second with two and third with six.
That doesn't count as a quatrain is a complete poem consisting of four lines of verse.
Last edited by Oturan (Sep 17 2011 7:17:58 pm)
It doesn't have to rhyme to have flow. lrn2poems /sarcasm
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