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Muffy

Guest

A simple morning...NOT!

As I woke up in the morning,the sun was just about to rise.As I got dressed and washed up I saw something flash in the fields.I was very curious od what it was so I went down to the living room and tried to see it from the view put of the living room.And I could make out some shapes,the object out there still didn't shape in my mind what it was.As I opened the door out of the kitchen,I could hear a erie sharp noise coming from the object.As I got closer,I hid along some bushes trying to hide myself from any danger.Soon enough I moved up close enough to make put what it was.I had never seen anything like this.It was a circular disc around 20 feet on diameter,standing on tripods.As I was looking around for anyone that this could belong to,a door suddenly appeared on the ship.I could see two figures coming out of the enterance.As I laid in the grassy patch the figures some how noticed my presence.I quickly get up and escape them.As I turn around to see them chase me,one ofthem was holding a weapon aiming at me.I knew that it would be harder to hit a target moving side to side.I quickly moving in a zigzag motion towards the house.As I see sticks of light go the same direction i am.I know I'm in terrible danger.As I was just about to reach the house,I feel a sharp pain occur in my left arm.I fall to the ground in a cluter.I realized that a beam from the gun had grazed my shoulder and it started to swoll.As I tried to cover it up with my hand,the wound had somehow sting my hand.I could now see that my hand was sizzling and smoking.I was one definitely in panic.I tried to get up but another beam hot me on the leg,leaving me unmobile.I soon realize that I am going unconscious.My mind soon blanks,leaving one though,what had just happend?
To be continued.

Sorry for the spelling errors,tell what you liked or dislike,cause I can take a ouch or two,unlike wusses.

Last edited by Muffinator99 (Mar 6 2012 11:28:08 pm)

SilverStar

EE Homegirl

Joined: 2015-07-01

Posts: 541

Re: A simple morning...NOT!

Good job, suspenseful.

However, there are a few mistakes that I caught: swoll (swell) hot (hit) though (thought) happend (happened). Also, this piece of writing would be more appealing and neater if there were spaces after the commas (,) and periods. (.)

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Muffy

Guest

Re: A simple morning...NOT!

Sorry but it was a rsh,I just wanted comments of the actual sorry plot.

SilverStar

EE Homegirl

Joined: 2015-07-01

Posts: 541

Re: A simple morning...NOT!

I really do want to hear more, but PLEASE put a space after commas!

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Muffy

Guest

Re: A simple morning...NOT!

Yeah I'm going to write more.yes yes yes I'll put spaces

32OrtonEdge32dh

Member

From: DMV

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 5,166

Website

Re: A simple morning...NOT!

Spelling/grammar fix (most problems were just tense agreements and spaces):
As I woke up in the morning, the sun was just about to rise.   As I got dressed and washed up, I saw something flash in the fields.   I was very curious as to what it was, so I went down to the living room and tried to see it from the view from the living room.   I could make out some shapes.   The object was out there, but the outline still didn't shape in my mind what it was.   As I opened the door leading out of the kitchen, I could hear a eerie sharp noise coming from the object.   As I got closer, I hid next to some bushes trying to hide myself from any danger.   Soon enough, I moved up close enough to make out what it was.

I had never seen anything like this.

It was a circular disc around 20 feet in diameter, standing on a tripod.   As I was looking around for anyone that this could belong to, a door suddenly appeared on the ship.   I could see two figures coming out of the entrance. As I laid in the grassy patch, the figures somehow noticed my presence.   I quickly got up and escaped them.   As I turned around to see them chase me, one of them was holding a weapon aimed at me.   I knew that it would be harder to hit a target moving side to side, so I quickly moved in a zigzag motion towards the house.   As I saw beams of light going in the same direction I was, I knew I was in terrible danger.   As I was just about to reach the house, I felt a sharp pain in my left arm.   I fell to the ground in a heap.   I realized that a beam from the gun had grazed my shoulder and it started to swell.   As I tried to cover it up with my hand, the wound had somehow stung my hand.   I could now see that my hand was sizzling and smoking.   I was definitely panicking.   I tried to get up but another beam hit me on the leg, leaving me immobile.   I soon realized that I was going unconscious.   My mind soon blanked, leaving one thought: What had just happened?
To be continued....

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Muffy

Guest

Re: A simple morning...NOT!

thanks

32OrtonEdge32dh

Member

From: DMV

Joined: 2015-02-15

Posts: 5,166

Website

Re: A simple morning...NOT!

Maybe copy it and paste it into the OP (original post)?

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