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LD3H

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Jokes (archive)

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This is the archive for all the old jokes to keep the other topic tiny.
Post new jokes here: Jokes

Why does a blondine climb a 30 m high wall? To see what´s behind.

Why does a blondine take a car door with her to the desert? To open the window if it is too hot.

What kind of stones do you find in the Atlantic Ocean? Wet stones.

Why do bees hum? They forgot the lyrics.

What´s the difference between a car and toilet paper? You can buy the car secondhand.

A woman walks into an ice cream parlor and tells the guy behind the counter,
"I'd have a scoop of chocolate ice cream."
The counter man says, "I know that this may sound strange, but we don't have
any chocolate ice cream. We ran out and the delivery truck hasn't arrived yet."
She says, "In that case, I'll have half a gallon of chocolate ice cream."
"Ma'am, I just told you that I'm sorry, we don't have any chocolate ice cream."
"Okay, then I'll have a pint of chocolate ice cream."
"Look lady, I said we don't have ANY chocolate ice cream."
"That's okay, I'll have an ice cream cone with two scoops of chocolate."
The counter man is absolutely livid and says, "Lady, how do you spell the
'straw' in strawberry?"
She says, "S-T-R-A-W."
"Right, now how do you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"
"V-A-N."
"Great, now how do you spell the '****' in chocolate?"
She says, "There is no '****' in chocolate."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you, THERE IS NO ****' CHOCOLATE!"

Man walks in jungle and asks natives: "Are there any cannibals here left?"
Native replies: "No, yesterday we ate the last one!

Person 1 asks: What means IDK?
Person 2 answers: I don't know!
Person 3 answers: i don't know.
Person 1 wonders: Hmm, why does nobody know?

There was a plane in Dubai
It was full of people.
It arrived in Malaysia with not a single passenger left.

Why?
Everyone was married

Here in the hospital I went to, they used a refribrillator to charge my batteries.

Why did the chicken go down the road?

Answer: Because nobody finished the "why did he cross the road" joke, just he stood there. Eventually a car came, and hit him.

Ok there is a kid in class he says teacher can I go to the bathroom. Theacher say first sing the alphabet. the kid say ok A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O. Then the kid says I have to go to the bath room. The teacher says well wheres the P. The kid says running down my pants.
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                                                                            I know its not really A joke. :3

Herp and Derp were talking about Derp's girlfriend; Derpina.
Derp says "She kissed me... on the lips"
Herp replies with "So you kissed her back?"
Derp quickly responds with "No, I kissed her mouth..."

I actually got the joke from Doctor Who, just retyped it with different names.

Knock, Knock...
Who's there?
Tex.
Tex who?
Tex you ages ago to open the door...

Little Sammy came running into the house and asked, "Mummy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mother, "Of course not."
Little Sammy then ran back outside and his mother heard him shout out to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Why is Doctor Who a regular at the dentist?
He doesn't want to lose his K9.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me--and I didn't hear it.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

LD3H´s comment: WTH??

This new Lawn Mower, Is it a cut above the rest or a pain in the grass.

Last edited by LD3H (Mar 17 2012 12:23:15 pm)