Official Everybody Edits Forums

creepy-Capitalist

Anonymous user

I am gay and I hate myself

I totaly relate to this post:

https://m.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comme … _this_way/

The main subtle difference is I live in London.

I'm 20, I am one of the most homophobic people I know; ... and yet I am gay. I watch gay adult movies, and hate myself for it. I feel this overwhelmingly strong physical attraction towards other men that I just cannot control. I want to be straight, and this constant hating myself is slowly pulling me down into depression ...

I don't know where to seek help. I have no friends I could explain this to, they will probably treat me differently. The same applies to family or to any person I had met in my home Country, where we all share a very non-gay-friendly mindset.

moroseMouse59

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

You can have therapy, there's no cure to being gay but there is un-conditioning that can help you.

What you feel isn't unique, a lot of people grow up with homophobic conditioning and realise later that they are homosexual. There are people that can help your situation.

radioactive-rat

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

I think I'll need a bit more context before making a full response. If you are comfortable with explaining, why is it that your friends and family be disapproving of your homosexuality? Is it because they consider it weird or unnatural, or is it because of religious reasons?

Heroic Horse

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Why are you homophobic? Is it because of how you were raised or because you don't want to be gay?

Either way, I highly suggest seeing a therapist for these types of matters. We're in no way licensed to help you.

creepy-Capitalist

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Sure guys,

Thanks for all the replies.

A little bit of context:

I was brought up in a religious family within a religious background. Now please don't get me wrong; I am in fact very religious myself. I totally relate to the teachings of the church; amongst which the ones in the sexual field.

It's not like I was just "taught the wrong thing", I instead totally relate to them and my very lifestyle has been taylored to such teachings. I really am homophobic, and disregarding it being right or wrong, it's just inbuilt into me.

My problem is this constant attraction to men. You put me infront of a blond late teen or early twenty lad and I behave like an idiot. I would say I'd try to flirt, but I'd never admit it to myself or others.

I have this brutal duality within me. It's as if I do not want to be aware of my actions, as I know I wouldn't be able to relate to them. But once I'm back home alone in my room I just cry. I hate myself for having these wrong feelings. I hate myself for not being able to change them towards females. I want to forget about it. Be different. I just seem to be able too, though.

radioactive-rat

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

I was brought up in a religious family within a religious background. Now please don't get me wrong; I am in fact very religious myself. I totally relate to the teachings of the church; amongst which the ones in the sexual field.

Considering you're religious, have you tried prayer?

massiveMobster25

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

<snip> and none I can talk about it to. No friends do I have either.
I have searched for help, got it. Then the guy I met which helping me with this, he said I was normal.

I'm going on injections to remove the feeling and stuff like that. And yes the cops have raided my apartment multiple times.
And no I don't download or look at CP. These injections really help me.

But I want to talk about it too. Ask for more help. But I don't know where I can get the help.

uselessUser

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

what are you getting injected into you massiveMobster25

vulnerable-Voter

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

go to gay camp

Heroic Horse

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Look, you won't be able to change your sexuality. You can't pray the gay away or just force yourself to change. The best you can do is learn to accept it.

Or, I suppose do what massiveMobster did and do things that involve chemical castration (presumably), but I believe in the long run it would be better for your mental health to change your mindset about how you feel about gay people and being gay.

massiveMobster25

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

what are you getting injected into you massiveMobster25

hormone treatment

uselessUser

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

what are you getting injected into you massiveMobster25

hormone treatment

what hormones mane

uppityUnderling90

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

what are you getting injected into you massiveMobster25

hormone treatment

what hormones mane

probably estrogen

Unsafe_ubermensch

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Well maybe you wanting to be straight is reinforced due to your family's heavily religious values? I don't know your age but in the future as you break out of your family's shell you tend to broad your horizons and be more likely to accept yourself, especially in the young adult phase. It might get better.. might.
I have a gay brother and he's kind of homophobic too, maybe due to his personal frustation. We all have our demons.

radioactive-rat

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Look, you won't be able to change your sexuality. You can't pray the gay away or just force yourself to change. The best you can do is learn to accept it.

Or, I suppose do what massiveMobster did and do things that involve chemical castration (presumably), but I believe in the long run it would be better for your mental health to change your mindset about how you feel about gay people and being gay.

From what OP says and from what I understand, he hates himself, therefore he hates gay people. I agree that that's a bad philosophy to have (hating others or yourself). I also agree that you say that you can't force gayness away. However, a pattern I've found in religion (Christianity specifically, but OP may be of some other religion) is that doing the right thing is the more difficult option. In this situation, accepting and allowing his gay desires may cause him to stumble in his faith. Since lusting after people isn't allowed regardless of how gay you are, the main (religion-based) issue is that he can't get married. Maybe he can find companionship in some other way, but I've never been in his situation and can't say what he needs. I hope he can figure out the best option.

lovely_lady

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Just learn to accept who you are, and learn to like it, I'm gay and couldn't take it at first but I learned to accept it and like it.

radioactive-rat

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Just learn to accept who you are, and learn to like it, I'm gay and couldn't take it at first but I learned to accept it and like it.

Spirituality can be a very deep and personal thing for somebody. While that doesn't invalidate your post altogether, it's a very big request to ask somebody to reform something that may affect the very basis of their religion.

corny-cat

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Fake it till you make it.

know that its ok to be homosexual. and even if you don't believe that, tell your self its ok anyway. fake it till you make it. it really works.

LovableLion68

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

My dear friend, everything will be okay. Stop feeling sorry for yourself for the way you were born. It's such a waste of time. Focus on the solution, not the problem. You will never be straight, accept it.
You're not forced to do anything. You should think about being gay and religious and how you see your future. Everyone has to give up on things they want. Your life can never be perfect, but it can be as good as you make it.

Zealous-angel

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

There's not much I have to say that haven't been said already, but I'd like to point out that not everyone will react in the negative way you would expect to.

You say not having friends you can speak to about this topic, but I'm sure at least some of them would help you if they know. If they start avoiding you afterwards, they are not real friends and should not be considered as such anymore, because you would hurt yourself trying to force a friendship to people who don't want to anymore. Heck, you can't predict your parents' behavior either, despite having lived with them (almost) your whole life.

If you are not confident in revealing that part of you to friends (yet), then I would recommend professionnal help, as they will be able to help you more than the EE community. They are required by law to keep anything you say to themselves, failure to do so could cost them their job and career, so you can freely speak about anything you wish.

As an analogy to the EE community, the typical stereotype is that we are a perpetual drama-seeking community, and tend to see some things from a negative point of view. Basically, just sticking to these ideas, one would not want to ask help here, but here we are, and there's not a single negative post in this topic regarding your situation. Real-life friends also can reveal a different part of themselves when needed.

PS: Good job on being one of the topics to actually make good use of the anonimity feature.
- ø

Irish_Neighbor

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

stop being gay

moroseMouse59

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

stop being gay

That isn't an option; it's never a possibility - sadly for some.

Nasty-Pawn

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

stop being gay

that sounds like really helpful advice

inbred Iguana

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Hey please PM me at [iPwner]. I wanted to give an awesome piece of advice but it appears it contains too many naughty words. ;(

Zealous-angel

Anonymous user

Re: I am gay and I hate myself

Hey please PM me at [iPwner]. I wanted to give an awesome piece of advice but it appears it contains too many naughty words. ;(

Replace the "naughty" with "nice" words?

stop being gay

that sounds like really helpful advice

It's the best advice there is, this is why when you know a depressing person, you just say "stop being sad" and suddenly the person becomes happy!
- ø